Viewing Thread:
"I've Been Thinking...."

As much as this is yet another somewhat depressing post, I'm still going to go for it anyway.

Recently I've been wondering about life, the universe and, well, everything. Animals and plants die, yes? It only really just hit me today that humans die too .. and eventually, I will be gone. 80 years on Earth all for nothing. And ya know what? I'm scared. I'm so very scared.

I don't know what it is about death that frightens me; not seeing people or talking ever again, not laughing at jokes, not feeling anger or frustration. Or is it that I'll look back and think my whole life was in vain, another 'thing' in society that came and went, affecting nothing, affecting ... noone.

Or is it that I will be forgotten? What happens if I don't have a family, and if my way of life disappears when I go 6 feet under. It worries me, no, it makes me shudder to think that in 90 years time when I'll be gone that everyone of my generation will have forgotten me, or indeed, be gone themselves.

And the fact that it is inevitable makes it worse. There is not one single thing that I or anyone can do stop the clock ticking, I can make it go on for longer, but that is an upward struggle.

I hear of people dying or being dead at ages like 30/40/50. I couldn't survive, literally, if I knew that. It would bring it home, and I dont think I'm a strong enough person, mentally, to handle that sort of thing.

And I know everyone says you got ages left, but really, do we?

And one last thing. Maybe I'm scared because of the unknown. Is there a Heaven and a Hell, and if so, what happens if I go to the latter? As mad as it sounds, I fear about that too.

I think music has this effect on me, everything just becomes a little bit clearer.

Thanks for reading, and if you stayed awake, then well done also.

Oh, and the music I'm listening to is calpomatt and El Mariachi. You can hear all the songs (chill out) at acidPlanet (www.acidplanet.com)

In reply to the original post, yes I sometimes think like that. I can't help it either. It's usually on a Sunday night. I'm not sure how I get around it I just do. I think I get around it by focusing my attention on trivial little things. I get annoyed by the slightest thing but others I couldn't care less about. It's really weird. I think that I've also just moved it to the back of my mind.

If it's any help I do think that there is something after death, not sure what but I think there is something. Possibly something to do with our consciousness living on or something.

phuzzy said:
>I've been thinking...

thats new for you then :)

Cheers.

Dark and atmospheric .. me is liking the poem Cyclone!

Wow, we're all feeling highly creative and thoughtful this evening.

So you sit,
smiling to yourself, as stars fall
windows shine, and children play
darkly
smiling, as to why

Remember, tell yourself, tell,
now, why you are, what you want
others laugh, others cry,
while you sit, and want things
never moving
to find it
Remember
justify
want, come on, work for it
you need it, its yours
yes

So you sit, on the same bench
the same wall
the same grass, the same idea
on the same beach, the same friends,
the same wants, always wanting,
while the children play darkly
ever so darkly, they stare
while you wash away

I don't believe in heaven,
I don't believe in hell, you don't like yourself
wanting things, as others hold them
sitting in yourself
smiling

Darkly.

RBS, that was cool. It really does sum up how we kind of pale into insignificance and I don't want that.

RastaBillySkank wrote:
> Hmmm, this is something I wrote when I was feeling the same...:

So it does have *some* relevance

I don't care what people think of me anymore.

And I have little care for much of everything, except areas that enrage/interpellate etc me.

So actualy, most of life.

Ho-hum.

Hmmm, this is something I wrote when I was feeling the same...:

Falling down,
On my knees,
I’m swallowed up,
By the scale of it all,
What am I?
Tired and lonely,
Scared and depressed,
Small,
Insignificant,
Lost,
Like a teardrop in the rain,

Left, right?
Forward, back?
Up, down?
Right, wrong?
What’s the difference between them all?
You always end up in the same place anyway,
Lost,
Like a spark among the stars,

I don’t know the proper ways,
And life’s short,
I’m dying as I speak,
You’re dying as you listen,
I’m dying before I’ve grown,
Lost,
Like tree in the forest,

Responsibilty?
I’m not responsible enough for that yet,
It makes me cry,
When I think how I’m,
A flake in the snow,
A blade in the in the field,
A bird among the flocks,

That’s all I am,

But still,
I need my guidance,
I need my help,
I need my love,
I need all this,
I need my rescuing,
Despite only being,

A match on the sun,
A stone in the quarry,
A cloud in the sky,

Sometimes my sun goes cold,
Sometimes my laughter is hollow,
But there’s always someone there,
To spark up my sun,
To fill the void of my laughter
And to love me,
Always.

I wouldn't say it's immature at all.

I'm 15 too, and saying that we're immature and not developed is just an excuse to keep us quiet so that .. Now I'm starting to sound immature.

Anyway, games is what I'm passionate for .. and films I guess.