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Thu 03/04/03 at 10:08
Regular
Posts: 787
I lay in the dark, the room around me is silent, everything is still, occasionally the passing of a car outside breaks the silence surrounding me, but the quiet swiftly returns. I lie on my front; the mattress beneath me is cold, but soft. I breathe in and out slowly and deeply. I roll onto my back and pull up the duvet so it swamps around me, an attempt to keep warm, a wasted attempt. My thoughts are the only noise in the room, and they are in my head, I cannot silence them, they persist to be. I open my eyes, nothing is visible around me, the desk, the TV, the floor, the walls, all is lost under a sheet of darkness. I wonder if I am alone, then I realize, I’m always alone. My thoughts continue to keep me awake, I am unable to relax. I try to think of a way to express them, but can think of nothing so I just let them continue. Outside the window I hear two people walking along together laughing, clearly they are drunk, I wonder where they have been and what fun they must have had. One of them says something, the words muffled by the window, but that laugh afterwards not. They walk out of earshot and the silence returns once again. I think of the day I have ahead of me and hope it can only be better than the one I have had today, all the ones I have had lately. My mind torments me, it is my worst enemy but I cannot be without it, not for one second. I roll onto my side and pull the blanket into the crease between neck and shoulder. I ask myself why do I act like everything is normal, nothing has changed? Why do I waste my time fitting in? I don’t care anymore, and I defiantly don’t know the answer to these questions. I don’t care. I fear the problems that could be ahead, I do not want change, I do not want to leave the surroundings I have spent so long developing. My mind torments me, makes me feel worse. I continue to think, asking myself questions I do not know the answer to, and do not want to answer. The fighting of two cats interrupts my train of thought, they scream at each other, scratching, hissing, attacking. They maul each other for a few minutes then one runs away, picks up his pride and runs. The second cat stays, he cries, whimpers for himself, moans into the night, eventually he realizes he is alone. He settles down somewhere outside, sleeps. I am alone again, silence, darkness, cold. My thoughts slowly creep back into my head, questioning me, teasing me, scaring me. I wonder how much longer I can take this, what I have done to deserve it. My mind is dangerous to me, It destroys me inside slowly. I lay in a state of semi-unconsciousness, my face expressionless. A car pulls up outside, across the gravel it turns, the headlight beams intruding through my window. Four squares of window slither up my wall, they show my pin-board for a moment, then the car engine stops and darkness is returned. Footsteps travel across the gravel in pairs, two faint voices are whispering, they enter a house and all is quiet. I lay depressed, I want no more, I wonder why I bother with everyday when I know it ends like this. I close my eyes, but my mind stays open. A few minutes more pass. Then a single electronic note breaks the silence, it pierces the room with its high pitch, it is short and sharp. A green light illuminates the surroundings; it casts light through my closed eyelids. A buzzing sound now nags for my attention, three buzzes in two-second intervals. It is you. The silence is broken, the darkness is gone, the loneliness is gone. This is why I need you; you keep me going. But you cannot be there always, and the night has a long way to go.
Thu 03/04/03 at 10:08
Regular
"Hallelujah"
Posts: 2,731
I lay in the dark, the room around me is silent, everything is still, occasionally the passing of a car outside breaks the silence surrounding me, but the quiet swiftly returns. I lie on my front; the mattress beneath me is cold, but soft. I breathe in and out slowly and deeply. I roll onto my back and pull up the duvet so it swamps around me, an attempt to keep warm, a wasted attempt. My thoughts are the only noise in the room, and they are in my head, I cannot silence them, they persist to be. I open my eyes, nothing is visible around me, the desk, the TV, the floor, the walls, all is lost under a sheet of darkness. I wonder if I am alone, then I realize, I’m always alone. My thoughts continue to keep me awake, I am unable to relax. I try to think of a way to express them, but can think of nothing so I just let them continue. Outside the window I hear two people walking along together laughing, clearly they are drunk, I wonder where they have been and what fun they must have had. One of them says something, the words muffled by the window, but that laugh afterwards not. They walk out of earshot and the silence returns once again. I think of the day I have ahead of me and hope it can only be better than the one I have had today, all the ones I have had lately. My mind torments me, it is my worst enemy but I cannot be without it, not for one second. I roll onto my side and pull the blanket into the crease between neck and shoulder. I ask myself why do I act like everything is normal, nothing has changed? Why do I waste my time fitting in? I don’t care anymore, and I defiantly don’t know the answer to these questions. I don’t care. I fear the problems that could be ahead, I do not want change, I do not want to leave the surroundings I have spent so long developing. My mind torments me, makes me feel worse. I continue to think, asking myself questions I do not know the answer to, and do not want to answer. The fighting of two cats interrupts my train of thought, they scream at each other, scratching, hissing, attacking. They maul each other for a few minutes then one runs away, picks up his pride and runs. The second cat stays, he cries, whimpers for himself, moans into the night, eventually he realizes he is alone. He settles down somewhere outside, sleeps. I am alone again, silence, darkness, cold. My thoughts slowly creep back into my head, questioning me, teasing me, scaring me. I wonder how much longer I can take this, what I have done to deserve it. My mind is dangerous to me, It destroys me inside slowly. I lay in a state of semi-unconsciousness, my face expressionless. A car pulls up outside, across the gravel it turns, the headlight beams intruding through my window. Four squares of window slither up my wall, they show my pin-board for a moment, then the car engine stops and darkness is returned. Footsteps travel across the gravel in pairs, two faint voices are whispering, they enter a house and all is quiet. I lay depressed, I want no more, I wonder why I bother with everyday when I know it ends like this. I close my eyes, but my mind stays open. A few minutes more pass. Then a single electronic note breaks the silence, it pierces the room with its high pitch, it is short and sharp. A green light illuminates the surroundings; it casts light through my closed eyelids. A buzzing sound now nags for my attention, three buzzes in two-second intervals. It is you. The silence is broken, the darkness is gone, the loneliness is gone. This is why I need you; you keep me going. But you cannot be there always, and the night has a long way to go.
Thu 03/04/03 at 10:17
Regular
"Wotz a tagline...?"
Posts: 142
That made my eye's hurt !

If you want people to read it at least break it down into paragraph's.
Thu 03/04/03 at 10:24
Regular
"Hallelujah"
Posts: 2,731
I wrote it as i felt it, it didnt have paragraphs, although it could have. Sorry for any inconveinience caused to your eyes.
Thu 03/04/03 at 18:05
Regular
"Hallelujah"
Posts: 2,731
Can i ask, are people not reading this simply because it has no paragraphs like my good friend pointed out?
Thu 03/04/03 at 19:09
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
You're correct.
Skipped straight past it - big blocks of text just aren't any good.

Everyone's just so damned lazy these days.
Thu 03/04/03 at 19:13
Regular
"Hallelujah"
Posts: 2,731
Darn it, hmm, i wont post it again with paragraphs, it was a post of my emotions and the moments passed now...
Thu 03/04/03 at 19:26
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
Just post it in this topic, as a reply, with some gaps.
Then I'll read it - from the bits I scanned it read quite well.
Thu 03/04/03 at 20:04
Regular
"Hallelujah"
Posts: 2,731
Garlic Bread!? wrote:
> I lay in the dark, the room around me is silent, everything is still,
> occasionally the passing of a car outside breaks the silence
> surrounding me, but the quiet swiftly returns. I lie on my front; the
> mattress beneath me is cold, but soft. I breathe in and out slowly and
> deeply. I roll onto my back and pull up the duvet so it swamps around
> me, an attempt to keep warm, a wasted attempt. My thoughts are the
> only noise in the room, and they are in my head, I cannot silence
> them, they persist to be. I open my eyes, nothing is visible around
> me, the desk, the TV, the floor, the walls, all is lost under a sheet
> of darkness. I wonder if I am alone, then I realize, I’m always alone.
> My thoughts continue to keep me awake, I am unable to relax. I try to
> think of a way to express them, but can think of nothing so I just let
> them continue. Outside the window I hear two people walking along
> together laughing, clearly they are drunk, I wonder where they have
> been and what fun they must have had. One of them says something, the
> words muffled by the window, but that laugh afterwards not. They walk
> out of earshot and the silence returns once again. I think of the day
> I have ahead of me and hope it can only be better than the one I have
> had today, all the ones I have had lately. My mind torments me, it is
> my worst enemy but I cannot be without it, not for one second. I roll
> onto my side and pull the blanket into the crease between neck and
> shoulder. I ask myself why do I act like everything is normal, nothing
> has changed? Why do I waste my time fitting in? I don’t care anymore,
> and I defiantly don’t know the answer to these questions. I don’t
> care. I fear the problems that could be ahead, I do not want change, I
> do not want to leave the surroundings I have spent so long developing.
> My mind torments me, makes me feel worse. I continue to think, asking
> myself questions I do not know the answer to, and do not want to
> answer. The fighting of two cats interrupts my train of thought, they
> scream at each other, scratching, hissing, attacking. They maul each
> other for a few minutes then one runs away, picks up his pride and
> runs. The second cat stays, he cries, whimpers for himself, moans into
> the night, eventually he realizes he is alone. He settles down
> somewhere outside, sleeps. I am alone again, silence, darkness, cold.
> My thoughts slowly creep back into my head, questioning me, teasing
> me, scaring me. I wonder how much longer I can take this, what I have
> done to deserve it. My mind is dangerous to me, It destroys me inside
> slowly. I lay in a state of semi-unconsciousness, my face
> expressionless. A car pulls up outside, across the gravel it turns,
> the headlight beams intruding through my window. Four squares of
> window slither up my wall, they show my pin-board for a moment, then
> the car engine stops and darkness is returned. Footsteps travel across
> the gravel in pairs, two faint voices are whispering, they enter a
> house and all is quiet. I lay depressed, I want no more, I wonder why
> I bother with everyday when I know it ends like this. I close my eyes,
> but my mind stays open. A few minutes more pass. Then a single
> electronic note breaks the silence, it pierces the room with its high
> pitch, it is short and sharp. A green light illuminates the
> surroundings; it casts light through my closed eyelids. A buzzing
> sound now nags for my attention, three buzzes in two-second intervals.
> It is you. The silence is broken, the darkness is gone, the loneliness
> is gone. This is why I need you; you keep me going. But you cannot be
> there always, and the night has a long way to go.

*******
Better for you?
Fri 04/04/03 at 08:16
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
Well I read it yesterday, in it's original form.

I quite liked it, but have to confess that I didn't entirely know what was going on at the end there with the green light. I fear that I may have missed the point.

Well written though.
Fri 04/04/03 at 18:13
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
That was class.

I like that kind of writing, it's a bit like how I write sometimes ... kinda go off on one.

Cool.

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