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I have a very bad feeling. My family say it’s probably just trapped wind, but I’m thinking it has to do with some of the disturbing, possibly linked news items I’ve been coming across lately.
For example, according to an obscure fishing magazine that my Granddad keeps purchasing for me, Spanish fisherman Jose Rojas Mayarita (pronounced “Bob”), age 39, got a rather large surprise whilst fishing alone in the ocean somewhere (you know the place, just of the coast of Mexico), he managed to hook a 10-foot marlin. The giant swordfish then proceeded to launch it’s self from the sea straight into “Bob’s” boat, impaling him. The marlin's spear went completely through poor Bob’s abdomen. The fisherman was consequently left drifting in his boat for 2 days until he was finally rescued.
After a lengthy discussion with police no charges were made against the marlin, who claimed that the attack was made an act of self-defence. The marlin is also claiming that humans don’t feel pain the same way fish do.
In a possibly related incident, left-wing communist squirrels in Manchester have been stealing English flags from bar’s, shops and even veteran’s graves. According to a recent article from an even more obscure wildlife magazine (cheers Granddad), the squirrels have been seen stockpiling the flags in a several tree stumps.
As of yet no Government official has commented on just what the squirrels are planning, but I think it’s safe to assume that when small woodland creatures begin stockpiling stolen English flags in tree stumps, they are up to no good.
This could all be a huge coincidence, but if anyone sees a squirrel and a marlin whispering together in a corner, or possibly looking over blueprints of the House of Commons, please notify the appropriate authorities immediately. And if a local squirrel tries to take your flag (which we all carry secreted about our persons at all time…just me? Ah well), don’t try to be a hero. Just give it to them.
I think these two stories are perfect examples pointing to a disturbing growing trend, animals are getting tired of being pushed around by us humans and it looks as if they are now ready to do something about it. I can’t remember the last time my cat listened to something I said. Ok, my cat has never ACTUALLY listened, but that just proves my point further. She did seem vaguely interested once when I was telling her to do something, but it turns out she was just preparing to pounce on my head, which apparently she innocently mistook for a giant dead mouse (it’s happened to all of us at some point in our life).
This disturbing trend is further validated by the serious public service announcement programs, “When animals attack I”, “When animals attack II” and “When animals attack IV”. I missed “When Animals Attack III” and so I can’t really comment on it. I think it clashed with Columbo, otherwise I would have watched it.
Anyway, as this programming shows, I mean “When Animals Attack”, not “Columbo”, although “When Animals Attack Columbo” might make a pretty good show, animals will attack you just for looking at them funny, or even for just infringing on their personal space and poking at them with a sharp stick (Steve Irwin, if animals take over the world and enslave all humanity, I’m blaming you!).
This is a very important issue, and something that I think that we as citizens must do our bit to prevent. So, as soon as you’re done reading this, go to a very public place, such as a supermarket or cinema and start screaming, “The animals are plotting against us, don’t take your eye of them for a second. Their smarter then you think!”
Meanwhile, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on this terrifying topic, just as soon as I run out of other stuff to write about. In the meantime, I need to go feed my cat before she gets mad. I saw her whispering to a squirrel the other day, and I’m afraid she might be packing a concealed marlin.
Thanks for reading :)
For example, according to an obscure fishing magazine that my Granddad keeps purchasing for me, Spanish fisherman Jose Rojas Mayarita (pronounced “Bob”), age 39, got a rather large surprise whilst fishing alone in the ocean somewhere (you know the place, just of the coast of Mexico), he managed to hook a 10-foot marlin. The giant swordfish then proceeded to launch it’s self from the sea straight into “Bob’s” boat, impaling him. The marlin's spear went completely through poor Bob’s abdomen. The fisherman was consequently left drifting in his boat for 2 days until he was finally rescued.
After a lengthy discussion with police no charges were made against the marlin, who claimed that the attack was made an act of self-defence. The marlin is also claiming that humans don’t feel pain the same way fish do.
In a possibly related incident, left-wing communist squirrels in Manchester have been stealing English flags from bar’s, shops and even veteran’s graves. According to a recent article from an even more obscure wildlife magazine (cheers Granddad), the squirrels have been seen stockpiling the flags in a several tree stumps.
As of yet no Government official has commented on just what the squirrels are planning, but I think it’s safe to assume that when small woodland creatures begin stockpiling stolen English flags in tree stumps, they are up to no good.
This could all be a huge coincidence, but if anyone sees a squirrel and a marlin whispering together in a corner, or possibly looking over blueprints of the House of Commons, please notify the appropriate authorities immediately. And if a local squirrel tries to take your flag (which we all carry secreted about our persons at all time…just me? Ah well), don’t try to be a hero. Just give it to them.
I think these two stories are perfect examples pointing to a disturbing growing trend, animals are getting tired of being pushed around by us humans and it looks as if they are now ready to do something about it. I can’t remember the last time my cat listened to something I said. Ok, my cat has never ACTUALLY listened, but that just proves my point further. She did seem vaguely interested once when I was telling her to do something, but it turns out she was just preparing to pounce on my head, which apparently she innocently mistook for a giant dead mouse (it’s happened to all of us at some point in our life).
This disturbing trend is further validated by the serious public service announcement programs, “When animals attack I”, “When animals attack II” and “When animals attack IV”. I missed “When Animals Attack III” and so I can’t really comment on it. I think it clashed with Columbo, otherwise I would have watched it.
Anyway, as this programming shows, I mean “When Animals Attack”, not “Columbo”, although “When Animals Attack Columbo” might make a pretty good show, animals will attack you just for looking at them funny, or even for just infringing on their personal space and poking at them with a sharp stick (Steve Irwin, if animals take over the world and enslave all humanity, I’m blaming you!).
This is a very important issue, and something that I think that we as citizens must do our bit to prevent. So, as soon as you’re done reading this, go to a very public place, such as a supermarket or cinema and start screaming, “The animals are plotting against us, don’t take your eye of them for a second. Their smarter then you think!”
Meanwhile, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on this terrifying topic, just as soon as I run out of other stuff to write about. In the meantime, I need to go feed my cat before she gets mad. I saw her whispering to a squirrel the other day, and I’m afraid she might be packing a concealed marlin.
Thanks for reading :)
Cheers Black Glove, I hadn’t heard about the ducks. Damn this government, we have a right to know!
Funny :)
Maybe this is why they're planning to cull all those ducks. Perhaps the authorities know something we don't, something sinister. I smell a cover-up.
Maybe this is why they're planning to cull all those ducks. Perhaps the authorities know something we don't, something sinister. I smell a cover-up.
I have a very bad feeling. My family say it’s probably just trapped wind, but I’m thinking it has to do with some of the disturbing, possibly linked news items I’ve been coming across lately.
For example, according to an obscure fishing magazine that my Granddad keeps purchasing for me, Spanish fisherman Jose Rojas Mayarita (pronounced “Bob”), age 39, got a rather large surprise whilst fishing alone in the ocean somewhere (you know the place, just of the coast of Mexico), he managed to hook a 10-foot marlin. The giant swordfish then proceeded to launch it’s self from the sea straight into “Bob’s” boat, impaling him. The marlin's spear went completely through poor Bob’s abdomen. The fisherman was consequently left drifting in his boat for 2 days until he was finally rescued.
After a lengthy discussion with police no charges were made against the marlin, who claimed that the attack was made an act of self-defence. The marlin is also claiming that humans don’t feel pain the same way fish do.
In a possibly related incident, left-wing communist squirrels in Manchester have been stealing English flags from bar’s, shops and even veteran’s graves. According to a recent article from an even more obscure wildlife magazine (cheers Granddad), the squirrels have been seen stockpiling the flags in a several tree stumps.
As of yet no Government official has commented on just what the squirrels are planning, but I think it’s safe to assume that when small woodland creatures begin stockpiling stolen English flags in tree stumps, they are up to no good.
This could all be a huge coincidence, but if anyone sees a squirrel and a marlin whispering together in a corner, or possibly looking over blueprints of the House of Commons, please notify the appropriate authorities immediately. And if a local squirrel tries to take your flag (which we all carry secreted about our persons at all time…just me? Ah well), don’t try to be a hero. Just give it to them.
I think these two stories are perfect examples pointing to a disturbing growing trend, animals are getting tired of being pushed around by us humans and it looks as if they are now ready to do something about it. I can’t remember the last time my cat listened to something I said. Ok, my cat has never ACTUALLY listened, but that just proves my point further. She did seem vaguely interested once when I was telling her to do something, but it turns out she was just preparing to pounce on my head, which apparently she innocently mistook for a giant dead mouse (it’s happened to all of us at some point in our life).
This disturbing trend is further validated by the serious public service announcement programs, “When animals attack I”, “When animals attack II” and “When animals attack IV”. I missed “When Animals Attack III” and so I can’t really comment on it. I think it clashed with Columbo, otherwise I would have watched it.
Anyway, as this programming shows, I mean “When Animals Attack”, not “Columbo”, although “When Animals Attack Columbo” might make a pretty good show, animals will attack you just for looking at them funny, or even for just infringing on their personal space and poking at them with a sharp stick (Steve Irwin, if animals take over the world and enslave all humanity, I’m blaming you!).
This is a very important issue, and something that I think that we as citizens must do our bit to prevent. So, as soon as you’re done reading this, go to a very public place, such as a supermarket or cinema and start screaming, “The animals are plotting against us, don’t take your eye of them for a second. Their smarter then you think!”
Meanwhile, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on this terrifying topic, just as soon as I run out of other stuff to write about. In the meantime, I need to go feed my cat before she gets mad. I saw her whispering to a squirrel the other day, and I’m afraid she might be packing a concealed marlin.
Thanks for reading :)
For example, according to an obscure fishing magazine that my Granddad keeps purchasing for me, Spanish fisherman Jose Rojas Mayarita (pronounced “Bob”), age 39, got a rather large surprise whilst fishing alone in the ocean somewhere (you know the place, just of the coast of Mexico), he managed to hook a 10-foot marlin. The giant swordfish then proceeded to launch it’s self from the sea straight into “Bob’s” boat, impaling him. The marlin's spear went completely through poor Bob’s abdomen. The fisherman was consequently left drifting in his boat for 2 days until he was finally rescued.
After a lengthy discussion with police no charges were made against the marlin, who claimed that the attack was made an act of self-defence. The marlin is also claiming that humans don’t feel pain the same way fish do.
In a possibly related incident, left-wing communist squirrels in Manchester have been stealing English flags from bar’s, shops and even veteran’s graves. According to a recent article from an even more obscure wildlife magazine (cheers Granddad), the squirrels have been seen stockpiling the flags in a several tree stumps.
As of yet no Government official has commented on just what the squirrels are planning, but I think it’s safe to assume that when small woodland creatures begin stockpiling stolen English flags in tree stumps, they are up to no good.
This could all be a huge coincidence, but if anyone sees a squirrel and a marlin whispering together in a corner, or possibly looking over blueprints of the House of Commons, please notify the appropriate authorities immediately. And if a local squirrel tries to take your flag (which we all carry secreted about our persons at all time…just me? Ah well), don’t try to be a hero. Just give it to them.
I think these two stories are perfect examples pointing to a disturbing growing trend, animals are getting tired of being pushed around by us humans and it looks as if they are now ready to do something about it. I can’t remember the last time my cat listened to something I said. Ok, my cat has never ACTUALLY listened, but that just proves my point further. She did seem vaguely interested once when I was telling her to do something, but it turns out she was just preparing to pounce on my head, which apparently she innocently mistook for a giant dead mouse (it’s happened to all of us at some point in our life).
This disturbing trend is further validated by the serious public service announcement programs, “When animals attack I”, “When animals attack II” and “When animals attack IV”. I missed “When Animals Attack III” and so I can’t really comment on it. I think it clashed with Columbo, otherwise I would have watched it.
Anyway, as this programming shows, I mean “When Animals Attack”, not “Columbo”, although “When Animals Attack Columbo” might make a pretty good show, animals will attack you just for looking at them funny, or even for just infringing on their personal space and poking at them with a sharp stick (Steve Irwin, if animals take over the world and enslave all humanity, I’m blaming you!).
This is a very important issue, and something that I think that we as citizens must do our bit to prevent. So, as soon as you’re done reading this, go to a very public place, such as a supermarket or cinema and start screaming, “The animals are plotting against us, don’t take your eye of them for a second. Their smarter then you think!”
Meanwhile, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on this terrifying topic, just as soon as I run out of other stuff to write about. In the meantime, I need to go feed my cat before she gets mad. I saw her whispering to a squirrel the other day, and I’m afraid she might be packing a concealed marlin.
Thanks for reading :)