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Hmmm swimming. Now I can swim. Honestly, I can.
I just choose not to. I don’t mind the actual swimming part, it’s just I simply don’t enjoy certain aspects that swimming involves.
I’m not saying that these things should stop you from swimming. In fact if you ever find yourself in really deep water with no means of flotation, I would say that swimming is definitely an option worth considering.
Now my best friend loves to swim. I actually taught him, and having been a late starter in the world of aquatic events he spent a large amount of the summer in the local school pool honing his fishy skills. Which is great for him, but here are just a few of the reasons that made me decide to stay on the dry side of the pool wall:
Number one: Lifeguards apparently have some new type of special CIA glasses they can wear to see when people are relieving themselves in the pool. Not that I would ever consider doing such a thing (ever…ahem), but with all that cold water…accidents can and do happen. And what if the guy right next to you gets caught? I personally really think ignorance is bliss in cases like that.
Number two: I am quite possibly one of the world’s palest men. Look up “pasty” in the dictionary, and you will see my picture. And this is referring to the parts of my person that I expose to sunlight whenever I am giving the chance, I just don’t tan. The various other parts, many clearly visible when wearing swimming trunks (I’m thinking “knees” here), go well beyond “pale”, nobody wants to see that and nobody should have to look at that.
Number three: Really “big-boned” women who like to wear cute little bathing suits that looked great on the size eight model in the “Choice” catalog. It’s not just the women, equally, big-boned men who have discovered the joys of the skimpy Speedo. I’m not saying large people shouldn’t get to go swimming, just that they should be a little more considerate of others when picking out their swimming attire.
Number four: Swimming often requires that you get wet which isn’t the bad part. I bathe regularly which involves getting wet, but at least I can get my bath water nice and hot. Heated pool water is kept at just above freezing, the only reason for this that I can come up with is so that the dirty man (you know the one, he sits by the side and is there every time you go) can leer at the nipples that poke through every swimming costume.
Number five: I can sum this reason up in one word, verruca’s. People who haven’t dreamt of going swimming for the last 10 years, but as soon as they get a little foot fungus they decide it would be an excellent idea to share it with as many people as they can. The people who swim regularly that catch this decide not to stop swimming but just to put on a non-waterproof plaster and believe that all will be fine. If you have ever surfaced whilst taking a deep breath and thought you swallowed a large fly, just look around the indoor poolroom and see how many fly’s there are.
Number six: The dunkers. These are the jokers who think it is really funny to come up behind you and push your head under the water. Normally, this would be considered attempted murder, but in a swimming pool it’s just good clean fun. There are also the closely related pranksters, who truly believe that the highest form of humour is to swim up to someone and pull their pants down or even worse, off. Normally, I would agree, but being naked in before mentioned really cold water can do serious permanent damage to a bloke’s self-esteem, if you catch my drift.
I could go on with even more reasons, but I’ve got more important things to worry about. One of the fish in my aquarium is acting suspicious, now where did I put those special CIA glasses…
Thanks for reading :)
I just choose not to. I don’t mind the actual swimming part, it’s just I simply don’t enjoy certain aspects that swimming involves.
I’m not saying that these things should stop you from swimming. In fact if you ever find yourself in really deep water with no means of flotation, I would say that swimming is definitely an option worth considering.
Now my best friend loves to swim. I actually taught him, and having been a late starter in the world of aquatic events he spent a large amount of the summer in the local school pool honing his fishy skills. Which is great for him, but here are just a few of the reasons that made me decide to stay on the dry side of the pool wall:
Number one: Lifeguards apparently have some new type of special CIA glasses they can wear to see when people are relieving themselves in the pool. Not that I would ever consider doing such a thing (ever…ahem), but with all that cold water…accidents can and do happen. And what if the guy right next to you gets caught? I personally really think ignorance is bliss in cases like that.
Number two: I am quite possibly one of the world’s palest men. Look up “pasty” in the dictionary, and you will see my picture. And this is referring to the parts of my person that I expose to sunlight whenever I am giving the chance, I just don’t tan. The various other parts, many clearly visible when wearing swimming trunks (I’m thinking “knees” here), go well beyond “pale”, nobody wants to see that and nobody should have to look at that.
Number three: Really “big-boned” women who like to wear cute little bathing suits that looked great on the size eight model in the “Choice” catalog. It’s not just the women, equally, big-boned men who have discovered the joys of the skimpy Speedo. I’m not saying large people shouldn’t get to go swimming, just that they should be a little more considerate of others when picking out their swimming attire.
Number four: Swimming often requires that you get wet which isn’t the bad part. I bathe regularly which involves getting wet, but at least I can get my bath water nice and hot. Heated pool water is kept at just above freezing, the only reason for this that I can come up with is so that the dirty man (you know the one, he sits by the side and is there every time you go) can leer at the nipples that poke through every swimming costume.
Number five: I can sum this reason up in one word, verruca’s. People who haven’t dreamt of going swimming for the last 10 years, but as soon as they get a little foot fungus they decide it would be an excellent idea to share it with as many people as they can. The people who swim regularly that catch this decide not to stop swimming but just to put on a non-waterproof plaster and believe that all will be fine. If you have ever surfaced whilst taking a deep breath and thought you swallowed a large fly, just look around the indoor poolroom and see how many fly’s there are.
Number six: The dunkers. These are the jokers who think it is really funny to come up behind you and push your head under the water. Normally, this would be considered attempted murder, but in a swimming pool it’s just good clean fun. There are also the closely related pranksters, who truly believe that the highest form of humour is to swim up to someone and pull their pants down or even worse, off. Normally, I would agree, but being naked in before mentioned really cold water can do serious permanent damage to a bloke’s self-esteem, if you catch my drift.
I could go on with even more reasons, but I’ve got more important things to worry about. One of the fish in my aquarium is acting suspicious, now where did I put those special CIA glasses…
Thanks for reading :)
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MoJoJoJo wrote:
> I don't go swimming, as I refuse to take my shirt off in public.
> Shame, as I used to love it. Ain't been to Wet 'N' Wild or Killy baths
> in years...
Am I seeing things right?
Surely you love to show off your gym-toned physique, do you not?
> I don't go swimming, as I refuse to take my shirt off in public.
> Shame, as I used to love it. Ain't been to Wet 'N' Wild or Killy baths
> in years...
Am I seeing things right?
Surely you love to show off your gym-toned physique, do you not?
I don't go swimming, as I refuse to take my shirt off in public. Shame, as I used to love it. Ain't been to Wet 'N' Wild or Killy baths in years...
Well done for the GAD. I enjoyed reading that. I love going swimming but I've not been for a while. But those people who widdle in the pool - UGH! How could you? People have to SWIM in that! Can't you control yourselves?
well, done!!!
Well done and much deserved.
:)
:)
YEY! My first ever gameaday!
Now that they've put that dye in pools, a good syncro team can put on the equivalent of an Aquatic Red Arrow display, given the right kind of swimming cosy and several bottles of wine.
Thanks for the feedback people.
Heh, I chortled and chuckled my way through that :D
Very good.
Very good.
hi, ive have been swimming for 5 years, and i am a competitive swimmer. I has represented my school and sussex.
I love it and would be bored if i didnt go.
I love it and would be bored if i didnt go.
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