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I get into work, turn on my computer and enter my password/username. I then wander off to get a cup of tea as I know it takes aeons to connect to the server. People have written a thesis on the mating habits of Hedgehogs (a very tentative and delicate process for the male by the way) in less time than it takes to load up the welcome screen.
I come back to my desk, rest my hand on the mouse, the computer goes supernova and collapses on itself. Well it does crash spectacularly, like two Dodgems filled with fireworks, and suddenly I am filled with dread. I will have to do the unthinkable. I wasn’t prepared for this day (who is) but I know I will have to be strong. I open the sealed black envelope hidden in a secret compartment in my desk and read the words written in Red ink upon a blue background. It simply says, “You have my sympathies”.
I panic briefly but soon manage to control myself and pick up the phone, my hands trembling as I do so.
I ring the number for the IT “help” desk.
Within seconds I am put through.
To a recorded message.
“If you have a problem regarding a software issue please press one.”
In order to condense this tale I have chosen to omit details of the holiday to Spain I took between the forth and firth words, and my wedding ceremony held on the pause between “please-press”.
There is no need to speak to me like a simpleton, I mused. Also as the help desk set up isn’t a £1.50 a minute service, there’s no need to make me wait any longer than I have to thought I.
“If you have a problem with a hardware issue please press two.”
“If you have any other problem regarding your computer please press three.”
How can I reasonably be expected to know whether I have either a software or hardware fault? I’m the one phoning the helpdesk because I don’t know why my computer isn’t working anymore. I pick option three.
“Hello you are through to the IT help desk,” says the far-to-cheery-for-this-time in-the-morning voice.
And there was me thinking I was phoning out for a Pizza.
“How can I help you?”, the voice (which I am already incredibly irritated by) intones.
“I have a problem with my PC,” I inform.
“Really?”, comes the surprisingly surprised reply.
“Yes it seems to have crashed”.
“Really? Is it a software issue you are reporting or is it a hardware issue.”
“I don’t know, um how would I know which one?” I ask.
“You report a software issue by pressing one and a hardware issue by pressing two, you have pressed three, which means you have come through to me”.
Words failed me temporarily.
“I know that! The thing is I’m not sure which, my computer has crashed for no apparent reason and I was wondering how to get it working again.”
“Have you tried Control-Alt-Delete?”.
“Obviously”.
“Pressing reset?”.
“Yes”.
“Escape?”.
“YES!”
“Hmm, well I can’t help you here, I will have to arrange for someone to come around to your desk and help you, they’ll be there in the next few hours.”
Brilliant. The level of IT acumen displayed by the “Voice” is quite staggering. I now have to wait 3 hours before normal service is resumed.
My head hits my desk harder than the impact of a meteorite.
I come back to my desk, rest my hand on the mouse, the computer goes supernova and collapses on itself. Well it does crash spectacularly, like two Dodgems filled with fireworks, and suddenly I am filled with dread. I will have to do the unthinkable. I wasn’t prepared for this day (who is) but I know I will have to be strong. I open the sealed black envelope hidden in a secret compartment in my desk and read the words written in Red ink upon a blue background. It simply says, “You have my sympathies”.
I panic briefly but soon manage to control myself and pick up the phone, my hands trembling as I do so.
I ring the number for the IT “help” desk.
Within seconds I am put through.
To a recorded message.
“If you have a problem regarding a software issue please press one.”
In order to condense this tale I have chosen to omit details of the holiday to Spain I took between the forth and firth words, and my wedding ceremony held on the pause between “please-press”.
There is no need to speak to me like a simpleton, I mused. Also as the help desk set up isn’t a £1.50 a minute service, there’s no need to make me wait any longer than I have to thought I.
“If you have a problem with a hardware issue please press two.”
“If you have any other problem regarding your computer please press three.”
How can I reasonably be expected to know whether I have either a software or hardware fault? I’m the one phoning the helpdesk because I don’t know why my computer isn’t working anymore. I pick option three.
“Hello you are through to the IT help desk,” says the far-to-cheery-for-this-time in-the-morning voice.
And there was me thinking I was phoning out for a Pizza.
“How can I help you?”, the voice (which I am already incredibly irritated by) intones.
“I have a problem with my PC,” I inform.
“Really?”, comes the surprisingly surprised reply.
“Yes it seems to have crashed”.
“Really? Is it a software issue you are reporting or is it a hardware issue.”
“I don’t know, um how would I know which one?” I ask.
“You report a software issue by pressing one and a hardware issue by pressing two, you have pressed three, which means you have come through to me”.
Words failed me temporarily.
“I know that! The thing is I’m not sure which, my computer has crashed for no apparent reason and I was wondering how to get it working again.”
“Have you tried Control-Alt-Delete?”.
“Obviously”.
“Pressing reset?”.
“Yes”.
“Escape?”.
“YES!”
“Hmm, well I can’t help you here, I will have to arrange for someone to come around to your desk and help you, they’ll be there in the next few hours.”
Brilliant. The level of IT acumen displayed by the “Voice” is quite staggering. I now have to wait 3 hours before normal service is resumed.
My head hits my desk harder than the impact of a meteorite.
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I get into work, turn on my computer and enter my password/username. I then wander off to get a cup of tea as I know it takes aeons to connect to the server. People have written a thesis on the mating habits of Hedgehogs (a very tentative and delicate process for the male by the way) in less time than it takes to load up the welcome screen.
I come back to my desk, rest my hand on the mouse, the computer goes supernova and collapses on itself. Well it does crash spectacularly, like two Dodgems filled with fireworks, and suddenly I am filled with dread. I will have to do the unthinkable. I wasn’t prepared for this day (who is) but I know I will have to be strong. I open the sealed black envelope hidden in a secret compartment in my desk and read the words written in Red ink upon a blue background. It simply says, “You have my sympathies”.
I panic briefly but soon manage to control myself and pick up the phone, my hands trembling as I do so.
I ring the number for the IT “help” desk.
Within seconds I am put through.
To a recorded message.
“If you have a problem regarding a software issue please press one.”
In order to condense this tale I have chosen to omit details of the holiday to Spain I took between the forth and firth words, and my wedding ceremony held on the pause between “please-press”.
There is no need to speak to me like a simpleton, I mused. Also as the help desk set up isn’t a £1.50 a minute service, there’s no need to make me wait any longer than I have to thought I.
“If you have a problem with a hardware issue please press two.”
“If you have any other problem regarding your computer please press three.”
How can I reasonably be expected to know whether I have either a software or hardware fault? I’m the one phoning the helpdesk because I don’t know why my computer isn’t working anymore. I pick option three.
“Hello you are through to the IT help desk,” says the far-to-cheery-for-this-time in-the-morning voice.
And there was me thinking I was phoning out for a Pizza.
“How can I help you?”, the voice (which I am already incredibly irritated by) intones.
“I have a problem with my PC,” I inform.
“Really?”, comes the surprisingly surprised reply.
“Yes it seems to have crashed”.
“Really? Is it a software issue you are reporting or is it a hardware issue.”
“I don’t know, um how would I know which one?” I ask.
“You report a software issue by pressing one and a hardware issue by pressing two, you have pressed three, which means you have come through to me”.
Words failed me temporarily.
“I know that! The thing is I’m not sure which, my computer has crashed for no apparent reason and I was wondering how to get it working again.”
“Have you tried Control-Alt-Delete?”.
“Obviously”.
“Pressing reset?”.
“Yes”.
“Escape?”.
“YES!”
“Hmm, well I can’t help you here, I will have to arrange for someone to come around to your desk and help you, they’ll be there in the next few hours.”
Brilliant. The level of IT acumen displayed by the “Voice” is quite staggering. I now have to wait 3 hours before normal service is resumed.
My head hits my desk harder than the impact of a meteorite.
I come back to my desk, rest my hand on the mouse, the computer goes supernova and collapses on itself. Well it does crash spectacularly, like two Dodgems filled with fireworks, and suddenly I am filled with dread. I will have to do the unthinkable. I wasn’t prepared for this day (who is) but I know I will have to be strong. I open the sealed black envelope hidden in a secret compartment in my desk and read the words written in Red ink upon a blue background. It simply says, “You have my sympathies”.
I panic briefly but soon manage to control myself and pick up the phone, my hands trembling as I do so.
I ring the number for the IT “help” desk.
Within seconds I am put through.
To a recorded message.
“If you have a problem regarding a software issue please press one.”
In order to condense this tale I have chosen to omit details of the holiday to Spain I took between the forth and firth words, and my wedding ceremony held on the pause between “please-press”.
There is no need to speak to me like a simpleton, I mused. Also as the help desk set up isn’t a £1.50 a minute service, there’s no need to make me wait any longer than I have to thought I.
“If you have a problem with a hardware issue please press two.”
“If you have any other problem regarding your computer please press three.”
How can I reasonably be expected to know whether I have either a software or hardware fault? I’m the one phoning the helpdesk because I don’t know why my computer isn’t working anymore. I pick option three.
“Hello you are through to the IT help desk,” says the far-to-cheery-for-this-time in-the-morning voice.
And there was me thinking I was phoning out for a Pizza.
“How can I help you?”, the voice (which I am already incredibly irritated by) intones.
“I have a problem with my PC,” I inform.
“Really?”, comes the surprisingly surprised reply.
“Yes it seems to have crashed”.
“Really? Is it a software issue you are reporting or is it a hardware issue.”
“I don’t know, um how would I know which one?” I ask.
“You report a software issue by pressing one and a hardware issue by pressing two, you have pressed three, which means you have come through to me”.
Words failed me temporarily.
“I know that! The thing is I’m not sure which, my computer has crashed for no apparent reason and I was wondering how to get it working again.”
“Have you tried Control-Alt-Delete?”.
“Obviously”.
“Pressing reset?”.
“Yes”.
“Escape?”.
“YES!”
“Hmm, well I can’t help you here, I will have to arrange for someone to come around to your desk and help you, they’ll be there in the next few hours.”
Brilliant. The level of IT acumen displayed by the “Voice” is quite staggering. I now have to wait 3 hours before normal service is resumed.
My head hits my desk harder than the impact of a meteorite.