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I do play multiplayer games a lot, I also win my fair share and when I win there tends to be two ways. If it was a close match the opponent will congratulate you but personally would be feeling pleased as he did come very close. On the other hand you may be generally crap at a certain game, but of course you can’t be crap (Well I know I can’t be crap) and so there is a reason, and so hear are the most heard reasons of why you are losing a game.
1: “This controller is broken!”
One of the most frequently heard excuses, many will stress to the point of exhaustion that the controller is broken. On the odd occasion this may be the case especially if the analogue stick was offset when the system is turned on. Most of the time though it is just an excuse, and if you are feeling particularly evil you can always say: “A bad worker always blames his tools” that should shut them up.
2: “Huh this feels different?”
This ties in with the above; you will hear this in a variety of different ways. More often than not you’ll hear “The analogue stick is stiff” (stop sniggering), on other occasions it will be that “This controller feels different I don’t know why?” Probably one of the greatest ones is used by a gamer that also owns this game and he’ll say “The Controller configuration is different” followed by “Oh I can’t get used to this”. To shut this nagging complaint up, change the configuration to what he is used to and beat him anyway (It’ll be funny especially as it’s the way your not used to it). More often than not the configuration is exactly the same and by changing it he’ll be just as buggered.
3: “No I don’t want you to do that!”
Classic line this one, “I didn’t press that button” or “I didn’t want you to do that”. More often than not whilst playing Bloody Roar you’ll hit the Z trigger turning you into a monster and if you get defeated it will be because he wanted to press the R trigger. Sometimes it isn’t the fault of the gamer oh no it’s the fault of the computer, you see the block button doesn’t work properly or pressing up and kick isn’t doing the right move. Best way to shut him up is to swap controller and beat him with his own character that “wasn’t working properly”.
4: “You only won because…”
Oh the most overused and incredibly stupid comment ever. For Beat ‘em fans you get “You only won because you blocked all the time” OK I WON’T USE THE BLOCK BUTTON NEXT TIME. Probably the most crazed one I heard was after beating someone at Goldeneye that “Can’t be beaten”, “You only won because you used the Rocket Launcher a lot”, the fact was he put the rocket launcher settings on in the first place and I am so sorry for using the damn weapon, it was not against the law to use a rocket launcher, it did not say I could not use it? Then of course you get “You only won because you had a faster car” best way to respond, “Yeah well it has crap handling and skids all over the place”. That should work.
5: “My character’s crap”
Ties in with the last bit of the last point, be it the car, the football team, the character or whoever the reason they lost is because their player was crap. They were too small, she doesn’t block properly, they aren’t fast enough, the Goalkeeper is rubbish and they don’t have much health as opposed to your opponent. The best thing to do is to point out that every character has equal strengths and weaknesses. Alternatively you can do what my friend does to shut me up by sticking his character choice on random so he has a different character each time he plays.
6: “Was that me?”
Aha my one, used predominantly in Super Smash Brothers or more recently in Monkey fight (Super Monkey Ball). The amount of fast paced action going when there is just one screen and the mission is to knock players off the arena can cause some confusion. And so especially if you play with me, you’ll frequently hear “oh was that me?” as my character flies off the screen, or my favourite “I forgot I was player 2”.
7: “Can’t you use a different move?”
“Why’d you always use that move?” I’ll tell you why, “Because it is the best sodding one” next time I’ll use the weaker one shall I? Next time I’ll use my KLOBB instead of the AR33! Argh this one annoys me, the fact is that move is causing your friend (or enemy as the case may be) to lose, and so therefore he’ll moan that you are using it too much. One friend of mine famously removed weapons he couldn’t use effectively, if I was killing everyone with the AR33 in Goldeneye then it is now “officially banned”, then the next game I’d kill everyone with the Grenade launcher and he’d ban that until we were left with the PP7. You can just imagine how he loved Perfect Dark with the ability to turn certain weapons off.
8: “I can’t see properly”
“The screens too dark”, “You distracted me by moving 2mm”, “I stopped shooting because I thought I killed you”. Argh there are so many reasons why the player lost a shoot out, or fight either they can’t see what happened or they can’t see the screen. It is funny when someone would say one thing and you’d snap at him or her because they “put you off”. I’m no saint for this one either the amount of times I hit or yell at my little brother for bouncing on the bed or talking whilst I’m playing is incredible.
9: “I let you win”
Some people do softened when they see their friend struggling but more often than not it is a simple excuse. “The reason why you won was because I was messing about and wasn’t playing properly.” Oh I love them I really do as it is such an arrogant attitude, you couldn’t possible beat me and so I’ll ruin your celebrations by announcing that I let you win. Surly if you let them win it was to make your friend happy and so therefore you wouldn’t go and announce you let them win. A frequently used one is that “I was’t playing properly” but you know different and so does he.
10: “The games crap”
Finally after a few hours of addictive play your opponent will announce the game is crap, he’ll bad mouth your game and see it as pointless to why he should get it. It means in layman’s terms, “I can’t beat you so I give up”. Feel victorious when he/she says this as it is the closest you’ll get to he/she giving in.
Did I miss any? I know I left out “You play the game more than I do” or “You do own the game”, this was because it is a good excuse that is acceptable, as it means I’m crap, as I don’t play it much. Now lets face it half of you read that and hung your head, but then it is all part of gaming, after all if you were crap why would you play?
Here’s to the future.
Dringo.
1: “This controller is broken!”
One of the most frequently heard excuses, many will stress to the point of exhaustion that the controller is broken. On the odd occasion this may be the case especially if the analogue stick was offset when the system is turned on. Most of the time though it is just an excuse, and if you are feeling particularly evil you can always say: “A bad worker always blames his tools” that should shut them up.
2: “Huh this feels different?”
This ties in with the above; you will hear this in a variety of different ways. More often than not you’ll hear “The analogue stick is stiff” (stop sniggering), on other occasions it will be that “This controller feels different I don’t know why?” Probably one of the greatest ones is used by a gamer that also owns this game and he’ll say “The Controller configuration is different” followed by “Oh I can’t get used to this”. To shut this nagging complaint up, change the configuration to what he is used to and beat him anyway (It’ll be funny especially as it’s the way your not used to it). More often than not the configuration is exactly the same and by changing it he’ll be just as buggered.
3: “No I don’t want you to do that!”
Classic line this one, “I didn’t press that button” or “I didn’t want you to do that”. More often than not whilst playing Bloody Roar you’ll hit the Z trigger turning you into a monster and if you get defeated it will be because he wanted to press the R trigger. Sometimes it isn’t the fault of the gamer oh no it’s the fault of the computer, you see the block button doesn’t work properly or pressing up and kick isn’t doing the right move. Best way to shut him up is to swap controller and beat him with his own character that “wasn’t working properly”.
4: “You only won because…”
Oh the most overused and incredibly stupid comment ever. For Beat ‘em fans you get “You only won because you blocked all the time” OK I WON’T USE THE BLOCK BUTTON NEXT TIME. Probably the most crazed one I heard was after beating someone at Goldeneye that “Can’t be beaten”, “You only won because you used the Rocket Launcher a lot”, the fact was he put the rocket launcher settings on in the first place and I am so sorry for using the damn weapon, it was not against the law to use a rocket launcher, it did not say I could not use it? Then of course you get “You only won because you had a faster car” best way to respond, “Yeah well it has crap handling and skids all over the place”. That should work.
5: “My character’s crap”
Ties in with the last bit of the last point, be it the car, the football team, the character or whoever the reason they lost is because their player was crap. They were too small, she doesn’t block properly, they aren’t fast enough, the Goalkeeper is rubbish and they don’t have much health as opposed to your opponent. The best thing to do is to point out that every character has equal strengths and weaknesses. Alternatively you can do what my friend does to shut me up by sticking his character choice on random so he has a different character each time he plays.
6: “Was that me?”
Aha my one, used predominantly in Super Smash Brothers or more recently in Monkey fight (Super Monkey Ball). The amount of fast paced action going when there is just one screen and the mission is to knock players off the arena can cause some confusion. And so especially if you play with me, you’ll frequently hear “oh was that me?” as my character flies off the screen, or my favourite “I forgot I was player 2”.
7: “Can’t you use a different move?”
“Why’d you always use that move?” I’ll tell you why, “Because it is the best sodding one” next time I’ll use the weaker one shall I? Next time I’ll use my KLOBB instead of the AR33! Argh this one annoys me, the fact is that move is causing your friend (or enemy as the case may be) to lose, and so therefore he’ll moan that you are using it too much. One friend of mine famously removed weapons he couldn’t use effectively, if I was killing everyone with the AR33 in Goldeneye then it is now “officially banned”, then the next game I’d kill everyone with the Grenade launcher and he’d ban that until we were left with the PP7. You can just imagine how he loved Perfect Dark with the ability to turn certain weapons off.
8: “I can’t see properly”
“The screens too dark”, “You distracted me by moving 2mm”, “I stopped shooting because I thought I killed you”. Argh there are so many reasons why the player lost a shoot out, or fight either they can’t see what happened or they can’t see the screen. It is funny when someone would say one thing and you’d snap at him or her because they “put you off”. I’m no saint for this one either the amount of times I hit or yell at my little brother for bouncing on the bed or talking whilst I’m playing is incredible.
9: “I let you win”
Some people do softened when they see their friend struggling but more often than not it is a simple excuse. “The reason why you won was because I was messing about and wasn’t playing properly.” Oh I love them I really do as it is such an arrogant attitude, you couldn’t possible beat me and so I’ll ruin your celebrations by announcing that I let you win. Surly if you let them win it was to make your friend happy and so therefore you wouldn’t go and announce you let them win. A frequently used one is that “I was’t playing properly” but you know different and so does he.
10: “The games crap”
Finally after a few hours of addictive play your opponent will announce the game is crap, he’ll bad mouth your game and see it as pointless to why he should get it. It means in layman’s terms, “I can’t beat you so I give up”. Feel victorious when he/she says this as it is the closest you’ll get to he/she giving in.
Did I miss any? I know I left out “You play the game more than I do” or “You do own the game”, this was because it is a good excuse that is acceptable, as it means I’m crap, as I don’t play it much. Now lets face it half of you read that and hung your head, but then it is all part of gaming, after all if you were crap why would you play?
Here’s to the future.
Dringo.
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I'm starting to use that kinds excuse now as my Analogue Stick is getting pretty stiff and hard to use well.
I tend not to use it in multiplayer games cuz my mates bring their own pads and also have the same problem - so we're no different really.
I blame my poor performaces in Excitebike on it too, but i've no excuse when using the un-toutched D-pad.
No-one else I know seems to use it though.
Maybe cuz I don't really know anyone else who still uses their N64 regularly!
I should hopefully get a new controller soon though!
I tend not to use it in multiplayer games cuz my mates bring their own pads and also have the same problem - so we're no different really.
I blame my poor performaces in Excitebike on it too, but i've no excuse when using the un-toutched D-pad.
No-one else I know seems to use it though.
Maybe cuz I don't really know anyone else who still uses their N64 regularly!
I should hopefully get a new controller soon though!
Are you saying you NEVER use my controllers broekn excuse despite using it just now.
I suck at FPS's on the N64, but I think it really is down to the Analogue Stick's stiffness!
It's the only official pad i've got, and therefore the only one I ever use. I'll hopefully get a new one soon.
I do have 2 others, but they're un-official and only have 2 prongs (not 3) - very un-comfortable! :(
I play around with their sticks and they move incredibley easy!!
I'll hopefully get a new pad soon!
And I have found on PD and GoldenEye that the cross-hair moves incredibley slowly as I try to move it over to one side!
Very annoying - but this is still not an excuse I use in a multiplayer game as my mates bring their own 'worn-out' pads too.
It's the only official pad i've got, and therefore the only one I ever use. I'll hopefully get a new one soon.
I do have 2 others, but they're un-official and only have 2 prongs (not 3) - very un-comfortable! :(
I play around with their sticks and they move incredibley easy!!
I'll hopefully get a new pad soon!
And I have found on PD and GoldenEye that the cross-hair moves incredibley slowly as I try to move it over to one side!
Very annoying - but this is still not an excuse I use in a multiplayer game as my mates bring their own 'worn-out' pads too.
Dringo wrote:
> What i like is that my controller really is broken and the analogue
> stick is stiff.
Are you sure you're talking about your controller? This could sound really dodgy, to say the least.
> What i like is that my controller really is broken and the analogue
> stick is stiff.
Are you sure you're talking about your controller? This could sound really dodgy, to say the least.
I poured Tea into mine, that might be why.
Shoddy Nintendo products. I dropped my Dual SHock 2 5 storeys and it survived perfectly. My mate whacks his against the ground as hard as he can when I (frequently) beat him (it's a disorder), and all he's managed to breaks is one of the shoddy third-party ones, and even then, it's only cracked.
What i like is that my controller really is broken and the analogue stick is stiff.
Any excuse that I have on perfect dark is that the hard sim acts like a darksim, and that you probably set it up wrong. Or I grinded a laptop gun on the wall.
Sounds like we need another one hour on Perfect Dark with 8 meat sims again. We have to beat 1153 kills, and I need to stop killing you. maybe.
Great post Dringo!
And it's quite amazing when you look around at people you know and realise how many of them come up with excuses like this all the time!#
I try not to do it, and either admit defeat and grumble to myself, or just don't say anything at all!
I will seriously 'roll on the floor and laugh my @55 off' if I play someone on my future GameCube, the loose, and they blame it on the fact that the controller or game is old, or something along those lines that doens't make sense for a new game and console!
:D
And it's quite amazing when you look around at people you know and realise how many of them come up with excuses like this all the time!#
I try not to do it, and either admit defeat and grumble to myself, or just don't say anything at all!
I will seriously 'roll on the floor and laugh my @55 off' if I play someone on my future GameCube, the loose, and they blame it on the fact that the controller or game is old, or something along those lines that doens't make sense for a new game and console!
:D
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