The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
The Assassin.
"The life of infinate dreams..........."
On a cold and foggy night, lurking in a mist deep within the obscurity of an eerie woodland, the anti-social man set his base between the shadows of trees surrounding him as he waited, eagerly, to unleash his cold and calculated plan.
You could feel something bad was going to happen when the air blew past howling enchanted groans of "murder". It blew through the trees every branch producing sounds like gentle screams of pain. The smell of rotting dead leaves within the air and the constant flashes of owls glistening eyes could put a chill down the bravest of people who dared to walk the forest at night.
As he waited for his victim, the sedistic sight of his shifty eyes and spiteful sneer upon his face grew with excitement from the dreadful thoughts circling his mind. His eyes glazed over as he constantly viewed the watch around his wrist. Knowing time was ticking away in his victims life, he just grinned. Of what has been seen of his face by the curious, he is described as 'snake-like' and 'a merger with shadows'.
He has no emotions, he has no remorse, he is merciless!
Clouds concealed the moonlit heavens which put the woodland in a darkness apart from a few beams of light piercing through the murky mist. The perfect timing for the deed as the victims silhouette appeared at the beginning of the woodland path. He knew he was coming. The pleasent smell of a human drifted by the evil mans nose. Whilst the silhouette was appearing, the awaiting man got his companion ready. He held it close to his body, stroking it, then pulled the clutch backwards making a deadly click. The victim appeared. He seemed to be running from someone. Another shadow appeared.................. It was a woman! The victim stopped and joyous laughs of happiness were heard from them both. They wrapped arms around eachother and walked the path holding hands. The couple who travelled down the path were singing, telling jokes, laughing and were beaming with joy. Forever chasing eachother and playing games brought a warmth to the icy woods. Oblivious to what was happening around them, they continued to defrost thier surroundings with thier spirits.
That warmth reduced as they walked further down the path of 'no return'...........
"Did you hear that?!" said the woman as the hidden man shuffled across the damp ,leaf coated, floor getting 'into place'.
"Hear what?" the victim replied,
"I'm sure I just heard something....." She quivered out,
"hahaha......... you're just hearing things, it's ok, those little ghost stories I told you were just made up. Come on now.......... It was probably just an owl or a halmless little creature scurrying along here" He calmly added,
"There's nothing to be afraid of......" He continued,
"NO!................ I KNOW I Jus........"
Before she could continue the mysterious man pulled the trigger, prepelling a lead bullet towards his victims forhead. The woman screamed at a high pitch as the bullet drilled into the skull of her man, embedding itself within the brain. He crashed to the floor with a thud, sending his last breath of air out of his lungs. Blood poured uncontrollably from his head as he lay in a crimson pool. Of what seemed to be days, was minutes in the eyes of the innocent. Like the world had frozen time before them and life's greatest moments flashed by.............. It was over.
Tears rolled down the shaken face of the woman as she screamed, when catching the sight of the black figure that took her husbands life from her. Questions weren't being asked........ it was just the one............ "Why?"
The killer ran between shadows, covering his viscious face and crushing everything beneath his feet. The smell of fresh blood from a 'good days work' satisfied the evil 'snake'.
The woman crouched down, crying, next to the victim calling for help and not letting go of him. Her blurred vision ,caused by her tears, could only catch the killer as he faded into the fog.
"The life of infinate dreams......... taken away at the hands of the jealous"
The End.
--------------
Id just like to see what others think of my work. I had the assignment to produce a story in an English lesson that we didnt know about. It was sort of a shock test or something our teacher made us do and gave us the lesson to do it in. An hour long lesson.
At the end of the hour I had come up with this and a week later I got it back with a few notes from the teacher. What she said about it wasnt very nice and put me down about it quite alot. For something straight off the bat and in an hour I dont think I could come up with much else but because she said negative things about it id just like to see what you guys think.
I know it may be a bit cheesy but its the best I could come up with under the circumstances.
Thanks for reading.
MH.
"The life of infinate dreams..........."
On a cold and foggy night, lurking in a mist deep within the obscurity of an eerie woodland, the anti-social man set his base between the shadows of trees surrounding him as he waited, eagerly, to unleash his cold and calculated plan.
You could feel something bad was going to happen when the air blew past howling enchanted groans of "murder". It blew through the trees every branch producing sounds like gentle screams of pain. The smell of rotting dead leaves within the air and the constant flashes of owls glistening eyes could put a chill down the bravest of people who dared to walk the forest at night.
As he waited for his victim, the sedistic sight of his shifty eyes and spiteful sneer upon his face grew with excitement from the dreadful thoughts circling his mind. His eyes glazed over as he constantly viewed the watch around his wrist. Knowing time was ticking away in his victims life, he just grinned. Of what has been seen of his face by the curious, he is described as 'snake-like' and 'a merger with shadows'.
He has no emotions, he has no remorse, he is merciless!
Clouds concealed the moonlit heavens which put the woodland in a darkness apart from a few beams of light piercing through the murky mist. The perfect timing for the deed as the victims silhouette appeared at the beginning of the woodland path. He knew he was coming. The pleasent smell of a human drifted by the evil mans nose. Whilst the silhouette was appearing, the awaiting man got his companion ready. He held it close to his body, stroking it, then pulled the clutch backwards making a deadly click. The victim appeared. He seemed to be running from someone. Another shadow appeared.................. It was a woman! The victim stopped and joyous laughs of happiness were heard from them both. They wrapped arms around eachother and walked the path holding hands. The couple who travelled down the path were singing, telling jokes, laughing and were beaming with joy. Forever chasing eachother and playing games brought a warmth to the icy woods. Oblivious to what was happening around them, they continued to defrost thier surroundings with thier spirits.
That warmth reduced as they walked further down the path of 'no return'...........
"Did you hear that?!" said the woman as the hidden man shuffled across the damp ,leaf coated, floor getting 'into place'.
"Hear what?" the victim replied,
"I'm sure I just heard something....." She quivered out,
"hahaha......... you're just hearing things, it's ok, those little ghost stories I told you were just made up. Come on now.......... It was probably just an owl or a halmless little creature scurrying along here" He calmly added,
"There's nothing to be afraid of......" He continued,
"NO!................ I KNOW I Jus........"
Before she could continue the mysterious man pulled the trigger, prepelling a lead bullet towards his victims forhead. The woman screamed at a high pitch as the bullet drilled into the skull of her man, embedding itself within the brain. He crashed to the floor with a thud, sending his last breath of air out of his lungs. Blood poured uncontrollably from his head as he lay in a crimson pool. Of what seemed to be days, was minutes in the eyes of the innocent. Like the world had frozen time before them and life's greatest moments flashed by.............. It was over.
Tears rolled down the shaken face of the woman as she screamed, when catching the sight of the black figure that took her husbands life from her. Questions weren't being asked........ it was just the one............ "Why?"
The killer ran between shadows, covering his viscious face and crushing everything beneath his feet. The smell of fresh blood from a 'good days work' satisfied the evil 'snake'.
The woman crouched down, crying, next to the victim calling for help and not letting go of him. Her blurred vision ,caused by her tears, could only catch the killer as he faded into the fog.
"The life of infinate dreams......... taken away at the hands of the jealous"
The End.
--------------
Id just like to see what others think of my work. I had the assignment to produce a story in an English lesson that we didnt know about. It was sort of a shock test or something our teacher made us do and gave us the lesson to do it in. An hour long lesson.
At the end of the hour I had come up with this and a week later I got it back with a few notes from the teacher. What she said about it wasnt very nice and put me down about it quite alot. For something straight off the bat and in an hour I dont think I could come up with much else but because she said negative things about it id just like to see what you guys think.
I know it may be a bit cheesy but its the best I could come up with under the circumstances.
Thanks for reading.
MH.
The Assassin.
"The life of infinate dreams..........."
On a cold and foggy night, lurking in a mist deep within the obscurity of an eerie woodland, the anti-social man set his base between the shadows of trees surrounding him as he waited, eagerly, to unleash his cold and calculated plan.
You could feel something bad was going to happen when the air blew past howling enchanted groans of "murder". It blew through the trees every branch producing sounds like gentle screams of pain. The smell of rotting dead leaves within the air and the constant flashes of owls glistening eyes could put a chill down the bravest of people who dared to walk the forest at night.
As he waited for his victim, the sedistic sight of his shifty eyes and spiteful sneer upon his face grew with excitement from the dreadful thoughts circling his mind. His eyes glazed over as he constantly viewed the watch around his wrist. Knowing time was ticking away in his victims life, he just grinned. Of what has been seen of his face by the curious, he is described as 'snake-like' and 'a merger with shadows'.
He has no emotions, he has no remorse, he is merciless!
Clouds concealed the moonlit heavens which put the woodland in a darkness apart from a few beams of light piercing through the murky mist. The perfect timing for the deed as the victims silhouette appeared at the beginning of the woodland path. He knew he was coming. The pleasent smell of a human drifted by the evil mans nose. Whilst the silhouette was appearing, the awaiting man got his companion ready. He held it close to his body, stroking it, then pulled the clutch backwards making a deadly click. The victim appeared. He seemed to be running from someone. Another shadow appeared.................. It was a woman! The victim stopped and joyous laughs of happiness were heard from them both. They wrapped arms around eachother and walked the path holding hands. The couple who travelled down the path were singing, telling jokes, laughing and were beaming with joy. Forever chasing eachother and playing games brought a warmth to the icy woods. Oblivious to what was happening around them, they continued to defrost thier surroundings with thier spirits.
That warmth reduced as they walked further down the path of 'no return'...........
"Did you hear that?!" said the woman as the hidden man shuffled across the damp ,leaf coated, floor getting 'into place'.
"Hear what?" the victim replied,
"I'm sure I just heard something....." She quivered out,
"hahaha......... you're just hearing things, it's ok, those little ghost stories I told you were just made up. Come on now.......... It was probably just an owl or a halmless little creature scurrying along here" He calmly added,
"There's nothing to be afraid of......" He continued,
"NO!................ I KNOW I Jus........"
Before she could continue the mysterious man pulled the trigger, prepelling a lead bullet towards his victims forhead. The woman screamed at a high pitch as the bullet drilled into the skull of her man, embedding itself within the brain. He crashed to the floor with a thud, sending his last breath of air out of his lungs. Blood poured uncontrollably from his head as he lay in a crimson pool. Of what seemed to be days, was minutes in the eyes of the innocent. Like the world had frozen time before them and life's greatest moments flashed by.............. It was over.
Tears rolled down the shaken face of the woman as she screamed, when catching the sight of the black figure that took her husbands life from her. Questions weren't being asked........ it was just the one............ "Why?"
The killer ran between shadows, covering his viscious face and crushing everything beneath his feet. The smell of fresh blood from a 'good days work' satisfied the evil 'snake'.
The woman crouched down, crying, next to the victim calling for help and not letting go of him. Her blurred vision ,caused by her tears, could only catch the killer as he faded into the fog.
"The life of infinate dreams......... taken away at the hands of the jealous"
The End.
--------------
Id just like to see what others think of my work. I had the assignment to produce a story in an English lesson that we didnt know about. It was sort of a shock test or something our teacher made us do and gave us the lesson to do it in. An hour long lesson.
At the end of the hour I had come up with this and a week later I got it back with a few notes from the teacher. What she said about it wasnt very nice and put me down about it quite alot. For something straight off the bat and in an hour I dont think I could come up with much else but because she said negative things about it id just like to see what you guys think.
I know it may be a bit cheesy but its the best I could come up with under the circumstances.
Thanks for reading.
MH.
"The life of infinate dreams..........."
On a cold and foggy night, lurking in a mist deep within the obscurity of an eerie woodland, the anti-social man set his base between the shadows of trees surrounding him as he waited, eagerly, to unleash his cold and calculated plan.
You could feel something bad was going to happen when the air blew past howling enchanted groans of "murder". It blew through the trees every branch producing sounds like gentle screams of pain. The smell of rotting dead leaves within the air and the constant flashes of owls glistening eyes could put a chill down the bravest of people who dared to walk the forest at night.
As he waited for his victim, the sedistic sight of his shifty eyes and spiteful sneer upon his face grew with excitement from the dreadful thoughts circling his mind. His eyes glazed over as he constantly viewed the watch around his wrist. Knowing time was ticking away in his victims life, he just grinned. Of what has been seen of his face by the curious, he is described as 'snake-like' and 'a merger with shadows'.
He has no emotions, he has no remorse, he is merciless!
Clouds concealed the moonlit heavens which put the woodland in a darkness apart from a few beams of light piercing through the murky mist. The perfect timing for the deed as the victims silhouette appeared at the beginning of the woodland path. He knew he was coming. The pleasent smell of a human drifted by the evil mans nose. Whilst the silhouette was appearing, the awaiting man got his companion ready. He held it close to his body, stroking it, then pulled the clutch backwards making a deadly click. The victim appeared. He seemed to be running from someone. Another shadow appeared.................. It was a woman! The victim stopped and joyous laughs of happiness were heard from them both. They wrapped arms around eachother and walked the path holding hands. The couple who travelled down the path were singing, telling jokes, laughing and were beaming with joy. Forever chasing eachother and playing games brought a warmth to the icy woods. Oblivious to what was happening around them, they continued to defrost thier surroundings with thier spirits.
That warmth reduced as they walked further down the path of 'no return'...........
"Did you hear that?!" said the woman as the hidden man shuffled across the damp ,leaf coated, floor getting 'into place'.
"Hear what?" the victim replied,
"I'm sure I just heard something....." She quivered out,
"hahaha......... you're just hearing things, it's ok, those little ghost stories I told you were just made up. Come on now.......... It was probably just an owl or a halmless little creature scurrying along here" He calmly added,
"There's nothing to be afraid of......" He continued,
"NO!................ I KNOW I Jus........"
Before she could continue the mysterious man pulled the trigger, prepelling a lead bullet towards his victims forhead. The woman screamed at a high pitch as the bullet drilled into the skull of her man, embedding itself within the brain. He crashed to the floor with a thud, sending his last breath of air out of his lungs. Blood poured uncontrollably from his head as he lay in a crimson pool. Of what seemed to be days, was minutes in the eyes of the innocent. Like the world had frozen time before them and life's greatest moments flashed by.............. It was over.
Tears rolled down the shaken face of the woman as she screamed, when catching the sight of the black figure that took her husbands life from her. Questions weren't being asked........ it was just the one............ "Why?"
The killer ran between shadows, covering his viscious face and crushing everything beneath his feet. The smell of fresh blood from a 'good days work' satisfied the evil 'snake'.
The woman crouched down, crying, next to the victim calling for help and not letting go of him. Her blurred vision ,caused by her tears, could only catch the killer as he faded into the fog.
"The life of infinate dreams......... taken away at the hands of the jealous"
The End.
--------------
Id just like to see what others think of my work. I had the assignment to produce a story in an English lesson that we didnt know about. It was sort of a shock test or something our teacher made us do and gave us the lesson to do it in. An hour long lesson.
At the end of the hour I had come up with this and a week later I got it back with a few notes from the teacher. What she said about it wasnt very nice and put me down about it quite alot. For something straight off the bat and in an hour I dont think I could come up with much else but because she said negative things about it id just like to see what you guys think.
I know it may be a bit cheesy but its the best I could come up with under the circumstances.
Thanks for reading.
MH.
See, I didn't realise you only had an hour to complete it in. I do like the story, but some parts are better than others. I really like the atmospheric descriptions, and of couse using the surrondings to set the mood, there's just a few things I'm unsure about.
If this is about an assasin, aren't they paid to do the killing, therefore do they not just see it as a job and detach any linked emotions. If he is paid to do this, personally I don't feel he'd gain any evil pleasure out of it.
Then, say he's just some nutcase murderer with a taste for killing, I really need a more in depth character analysis of him, you know, knowing what makes him do these things.
I just feel that these points make the story a little less believeable. Saying all this, it's a hell of a lot better than I could do and very impressive that you wrote it in an hour. Sorry, I don't mean to be critical, was just trying to help. It is good though, reckon your teacher just found it a bit too hard hitting.
If this is about an assasin, aren't they paid to do the killing, therefore do they not just see it as a job and detach any linked emotions. If he is paid to do this, personally I don't feel he'd gain any evil pleasure out of it.
Then, say he's just some nutcase murderer with a taste for killing, I really need a more in depth character analysis of him, you know, knowing what makes him do these things.
I just feel that these points make the story a little less believeable. Saying all this, it's a hell of a lot better than I could do and very impressive that you wrote it in an hour. Sorry, I don't mean to be critical, was just trying to help. It is good though, reckon your teacher just found it a bit too hard hitting.
First off, thanks for the reply.
:)
The reason I gave him a pleasure out of the assassinations is because of what I personally think about assassins and killers. They are sedistic and must enjoy it unless I dont think they would do it. Its a job afterall and you should get a job if you actually enjoy it. People do get some jobs just for the money though but I tried to steer away from that and by doing it I feel that it gave the reader a worse feeling about him. I wanted to create a really evil man and hope I achieved it by doing that.
Now onto why I didnt go into so much detail on the history and the character.
When the teacher sprung this on us and told us what to do, she just left us with:
"Write a descriptive story about anything within reason, use your imagination. Dont go for a whole description of past and future happening but base it on what is happening as of right now."
(Or something like that)
I asked her if I could do my story about an assassin and said that I wanted to keep it mysterious to leave some questions at the end from the reader. She suggested a few things and I asked if I should leave out the assassins history and why exactly he was doing it, she said that it was a good idea as it should do exactly that and achieve my purpose.
And then at the end of it all and when she had marked it, she gave me some negative feedback, which obviously left me puzzled and a little depressed.
Thanks for that though, I hope you now understand it a little more and hope you see the true picture of the story and why I did certain things.
:)
:)
The reason I gave him a pleasure out of the assassinations is because of what I personally think about assassins and killers. They are sedistic and must enjoy it unless I dont think they would do it. Its a job afterall and you should get a job if you actually enjoy it. People do get some jobs just for the money though but I tried to steer away from that and by doing it I feel that it gave the reader a worse feeling about him. I wanted to create a really evil man and hope I achieved it by doing that.
Now onto why I didnt go into so much detail on the history and the character.
When the teacher sprung this on us and told us what to do, she just left us with:
"Write a descriptive story about anything within reason, use your imagination. Dont go for a whole description of past and future happening but base it on what is happening as of right now."
(Or something like that)
I asked her if I could do my story about an assassin and said that I wanted to keep it mysterious to leave some questions at the end from the reader. She suggested a few things and I asked if I should leave out the assassins history and why exactly he was doing it, she said that it was a good idea as it should do exactly that and achieve my purpose.
And then at the end of it all and when she had marked it, she gave me some negative feedback, which obviously left me puzzled and a little depressed.
Thanks for that though, I hope you now understand it a little more and hope you see the true picture of the story and why I did certain things.
:)
mmm.... your teachers a bit of a hypocrite really, the only small problems I had with it were the things your teacher told you to do. Don't worry, when I was at school and sixth form I did Gcse and then A level art. My teacher said my work was poorly thought out and childishly spur of the moment. I took this quite badly, decided I was crap at art, and hated my art lessons. Now I'm (much) older, I realise spur of the moment is my thing. Thats my style, and my teacher had no right, especially in something as creative as art, to limit and categorise me.
Now this is what gets on my nerves about schools and teachers so much. They teach it best they can I'm sure, but basically, If you don't do it the way they would have, they mark you down. Teachers, as with any influential figure in your life, should encourage you and be positive. My Art teacher used to say "no, you don't want to do it like that. I'd do it like this" which is wrong. Art, along with writing is something so personal that says so much about the person, that no one should be able to say whats wrong and whats right. Ah well, now I've got that off my chest I'm off home (or rather down the pub)
Laters.
Now this is what gets on my nerves about schools and teachers so much. They teach it best they can I'm sure, but basically, If you don't do it the way they would have, they mark you down. Teachers, as with any influential figure in your life, should encourage you and be positive. My Art teacher used to say "no, you don't want to do it like that. I'd do it like this" which is wrong. Art, along with writing is something so personal that says so much about the person, that no one should be able to say whats wrong and whats right. Ah well, now I've got that off my chest I'm off home (or rather down the pub)
Laters.
Yeah, I know what you meen, and I have to cope with it for a couple more years too.
Well I hope you liked it and I hope everyone else does too.
Thanks for that schroeder.
:)
Well I hope you liked it and I hope everyone else does too.
Thanks for that schroeder.
:)
Hercules! wrote:
> I know it may be a bit cheesy but its the best I could come up with
> under the circumstances.
It's good! What grade did you get?
> I know it may be a bit cheesy but its the best I could come up with
> under the circumstances.
It's good! What grade did you get?
I got a C for it. Whereas everyone else got A's.
Thanks though.
:)
Thanks though.
:)
You certainly deserved more than a C, don't worry I thought it was cool.
Well thankyou guys.
:)
I think I might re-draft it and do the post again to see if I can make it any better.
Ive not even got one A* in English, not even one A. Just all B's and C's.
:(
I'll try to do a re-draft of it and do it again to see what I can improve upon or whatever.
:)
I think I might re-draft it and do the post again to see if I can make it any better.
Ive not even got one A* in English, not even one A. Just all B's and C's.
:(
I'll try to do a re-draft of it and do it again to see what I can improve upon or whatever.