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Kif: Let's nick this Porsche with a brick, for I am not as good as Nicholas Cage and will come to save me from an evil English guy.
Black comical guy: I'll yell stuff at Vinnie Jones! Let's do it.
Audience: What kind of name is Kif? Isn't he the alien from Futurama?
Christopher Eccleston: I'm British, therefore I'm evil. Get me Nicholas Cage, he'll save the day.
Muaha.
---
Nick Cage: Damn. I'll have to abandon this crappy racecourse and go "boost" some cars. But I'll get 200K. Hmm...Let's ask Cher. Damn, she's not here. Let's ask Mum instead.
---
Nick Cage: Hey Robert Duvall. You're looking old and past it. Is that why you're in this film?
Duvall: Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
Nick Cage: You win. Now, because you're old, will you help me nick some cars?
Duvall: OK.
(Cage rings up an older black comical guy and Vinnie Jones, then goes to see Angelina Jolie)
Jolie (hot and sweaty): Hey Nick.
Cage: Wow. Look at that....car.
Audience: She's got really big jugs!
Cage: Nice NOS.
---
(Cage assembles his crew. There are two comical black guys who are sure to make jokes about being black at some point. There is also the guy from Enemy of the State)
Nick: I'm in love with Eleanor.
Audience: It's a car! Jolie's all over you! Look at her!
Nick: Mmmm...clutch. I'll wave my hands and say some stuff, then you'll all love me. Oi, you from Enemy of the State, nick some car keys.
Detective: (pops up): Hey. You may soon see me in The One, getting kicked in by Jet Li. But now I'm going to follow Nick Cage around for a bit.
Vinnie Jones: (brandishes knife)
Audience: Having him not speak is pathetic, just to hide his English accent. And Jolie's fit. Why isn't Nick Cage doing anything?
(THEY NICK A LOT OF CARS TO PASS TIME. THIS IS MOSTLY BORING)
Jolie: What's better, having sex or stealing cars?
Nick Cage: Umm....ahhh....difficult one....
Audience: OH COME ON! SHE'S GAGGING FOR IT!
Cage: You know, I don't know.
Jolie: Let's have sex while stealing cars then.
Cage: No, I'd rather chase after a car from 1967, thank you.
(Cage nicks said car)
Nick: Mmm...Eleanor. I missed you.
Audience: Erm, you're obviously gay.
Cage: Mumble mumble, energetic hand gestures.
Jerry Bruckenheimer: I've just heard that the special effects and stunts quota is low, and The Fast and The Furious has nitrous oxide. Now your Ford has some NOS.
Audience: But it's from 1967.
Jerry: Ssh. I made the Rock and Con Air.
Audience: Both with Nick Cage. They both sucked.
(Jerry has a strop, and a result there are no big explosions or stunts for at least 10 minutes)
Nick Cage: Hello Christopher Eccelston. You were a poof in Elizabeth.
Eccleston: No, I'm acting hard, but I really want to make furniture.
Detective: Hey! I want to arrest Nicholas Cage.
Eccleston: No.
Nick Cage: Ha ha. I'm really weak and feeble, but you are more weak and feeble. So I'll kick your head in.
Audience: Excellent. He was crap in Elizabeth.
Nick Cage: Hey, Jolie is fit and she wants me.
Audience: At last.
Black comical guy: I'll yell stuff at Vinnie Jones! Let's do it.
Audience: What kind of name is Kif? Isn't he the alien from Futurama?
Christopher Eccleston: I'm British, therefore I'm evil. Get me Nicholas Cage, he'll save the day.
Muaha.
---
Nick Cage: Damn. I'll have to abandon this crappy racecourse and go "boost" some cars. But I'll get 200K. Hmm...Let's ask Cher. Damn, she's not here. Let's ask Mum instead.
---
Nick Cage: Hey Robert Duvall. You're looking old and past it. Is that why you're in this film?
Duvall: Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
Nick Cage: You win. Now, because you're old, will you help me nick some cars?
Duvall: OK.
(Cage rings up an older black comical guy and Vinnie Jones, then goes to see Angelina Jolie)
Jolie (hot and sweaty): Hey Nick.
Cage: Wow. Look at that....car.
Audience: She's got really big jugs!
Cage: Nice NOS.
---
(Cage assembles his crew. There are two comical black guys who are sure to make jokes about being black at some point. There is also the guy from Enemy of the State)
Nick: I'm in love with Eleanor.
Audience: It's a car! Jolie's all over you! Look at her!
Nick: Mmmm...clutch. I'll wave my hands and say some stuff, then you'll all love me. Oi, you from Enemy of the State, nick some car keys.
Detective: (pops up): Hey. You may soon see me in The One, getting kicked in by Jet Li. But now I'm going to follow Nick Cage around for a bit.
Vinnie Jones: (brandishes knife)
Audience: Having him not speak is pathetic, just to hide his English accent. And Jolie's fit. Why isn't Nick Cage doing anything?
(THEY NICK A LOT OF CARS TO PASS TIME. THIS IS MOSTLY BORING)
Jolie: What's better, having sex or stealing cars?
Nick Cage: Umm....ahhh....difficult one....
Audience: OH COME ON! SHE'S GAGGING FOR IT!
Cage: You know, I don't know.
Jolie: Let's have sex while stealing cars then.
Cage: No, I'd rather chase after a car from 1967, thank you.
(Cage nicks said car)
Nick: Mmm...Eleanor. I missed you.
Audience: Erm, you're obviously gay.
Cage: Mumble mumble, energetic hand gestures.
Jerry Bruckenheimer: I've just heard that the special effects and stunts quota is low, and The Fast and The Furious has nitrous oxide. Now your Ford has some NOS.
Audience: But it's from 1967.
Jerry: Ssh. I made the Rock and Con Air.
Audience: Both with Nick Cage. They both sucked.
(Jerry has a strop, and a result there are no big explosions or stunts for at least 10 minutes)
Nick Cage: Hello Christopher Eccelston. You were a poof in Elizabeth.
Eccleston: No, I'm acting hard, but I really want to make furniture.
Detective: Hey! I want to arrest Nicholas Cage.
Eccleston: No.
Nick Cage: Ha ha. I'm really weak and feeble, but you are more weak and feeble. So I'll kick your head in.
Audience: Excellent. He was crap in Elizabeth.
Nick Cage: Hey, Jolie is fit and she wants me.
Audience: At last.
Damn. Oh well. New Total Film came out today, actually. I was annoyed to find that they didn't have a star wars II review that I for some reason expected they had. But they did have loads of interviews n'stuff.
I read Empire. Not Total Film.
This was created by me and my mate while watching Gone in 60 Seconds half an hour ago.
This was created by me and my mate while watching Gone in 60 Seconds half an hour ago.
This was inspired by or taken from Total Film magazine's backpage! Thief!
Kif: Let's nick this Porsche with a brick, for I am not as good as Nicholas Cage and will come to save me from an evil English guy.
Black comical guy: I'll yell stuff at Vinnie Jones! Let's do it.
Audience: What kind of name is Kif? Isn't he the alien from Futurama?
Christopher Eccleston: I'm British, therefore I'm evil. Get me Nicholas Cage, he'll save the day.
Muaha.
---
Nick Cage: Damn. I'll have to abandon this crappy racecourse and go "boost" some cars. But I'll get 200K. Hmm...Let's ask Cher. Damn, she's not here. Let's ask Mum instead.
---
Nick Cage: Hey Robert Duvall. You're looking old and past it. Is that why you're in this film?
Duvall: Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
Nick Cage: You win. Now, because you're old, will you help me nick some cars?
Duvall: OK.
(Cage rings up an older black comical guy and Vinnie Jones, then goes to see Angelina Jolie)
Jolie (hot and sweaty): Hey Nick.
Cage: Wow. Look at that....car.
Audience: She's got really big jugs!
Cage: Nice NOS.
---
(Cage assembles his crew. There are two comical black guys who are sure to make jokes about being black at some point. There is also the guy from Enemy of the State)
Nick: I'm in love with Eleanor.
Audience: It's a car! Jolie's all over you! Look at her!
Nick: Mmmm...clutch. I'll wave my hands and say some stuff, then you'll all love me. Oi, you from Enemy of the State, nick some car keys.
Detective: (pops up): Hey. You may soon see me in The One, getting kicked in by Jet Li. But now I'm going to follow Nick Cage around for a bit.
Vinnie Jones: (brandishes knife)
Audience: Having him not speak is pathetic, just to hide his English accent. And Jolie's fit. Why isn't Nick Cage doing anything?
(THEY NICK A LOT OF CARS TO PASS TIME. THIS IS MOSTLY BORING)
Jolie: What's better, having sex or stealing cars?
Nick Cage: Umm....ahhh....difficult one....
Audience: OH COME ON! SHE'S GAGGING FOR IT!
Cage: You know, I don't know.
Jolie: Let's have sex while stealing cars then.
Cage: No, I'd rather chase after a car from 1967, thank you.
(Cage nicks said car)
Nick: Mmm...Eleanor. I missed you.
Audience: Erm, you're obviously gay.
Cage: Mumble mumble, energetic hand gestures.
Jerry Bruckenheimer: I've just heard that the special effects and stunts quota is low, and The Fast and The Furious has nitrous oxide. Now your Ford has some NOS.
Audience: But it's from 1967.
Jerry: Ssh. I made the Rock and Con Air.
Audience: Both with Nick Cage. They both sucked.
(Jerry has a strop, and a result there are no big explosions or stunts for at least 10 minutes)
Nick Cage: Hello Christopher Eccelston. You were a poof in Elizabeth.
Eccleston: No, I'm acting hard, but I really want to make furniture.
Detective: Hey! I want to arrest Nicholas Cage.
Eccleston: No.
Nick Cage: Ha ha. I'm really weak and feeble, but you are more weak and feeble. So I'll kick your head in.
Audience: Excellent. He was crap in Elizabeth.
Nick Cage: Hey, Jolie is fit and she wants me.
Audience: At last.
Black comical guy: I'll yell stuff at Vinnie Jones! Let's do it.
Audience: What kind of name is Kif? Isn't he the alien from Futurama?
Christopher Eccleston: I'm British, therefore I'm evil. Get me Nicholas Cage, he'll save the day.
Muaha.
---
Nick Cage: Damn. I'll have to abandon this crappy racecourse and go "boost" some cars. But I'll get 200K. Hmm...Let's ask Cher. Damn, she's not here. Let's ask Mum instead.
---
Nick Cage: Hey Robert Duvall. You're looking old and past it. Is that why you're in this film?
Duvall: Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
Nick Cage: You win. Now, because you're old, will you help me nick some cars?
Duvall: OK.
(Cage rings up an older black comical guy and Vinnie Jones, then goes to see Angelina Jolie)
Jolie (hot and sweaty): Hey Nick.
Cage: Wow. Look at that....car.
Audience: She's got really big jugs!
Cage: Nice NOS.
---
(Cage assembles his crew. There are two comical black guys who are sure to make jokes about being black at some point. There is also the guy from Enemy of the State)
Nick: I'm in love with Eleanor.
Audience: It's a car! Jolie's all over you! Look at her!
Nick: Mmmm...clutch. I'll wave my hands and say some stuff, then you'll all love me. Oi, you from Enemy of the State, nick some car keys.
Detective: (pops up): Hey. You may soon see me in The One, getting kicked in by Jet Li. But now I'm going to follow Nick Cage around for a bit.
Vinnie Jones: (brandishes knife)
Audience: Having him not speak is pathetic, just to hide his English accent. And Jolie's fit. Why isn't Nick Cage doing anything?
(THEY NICK A LOT OF CARS TO PASS TIME. THIS IS MOSTLY BORING)
Jolie: What's better, having sex or stealing cars?
Nick Cage: Umm....ahhh....difficult one....
Audience: OH COME ON! SHE'S GAGGING FOR IT!
Cage: You know, I don't know.
Jolie: Let's have sex while stealing cars then.
Cage: No, I'd rather chase after a car from 1967, thank you.
(Cage nicks said car)
Nick: Mmm...Eleanor. I missed you.
Audience: Erm, you're obviously gay.
Cage: Mumble mumble, energetic hand gestures.
Jerry Bruckenheimer: I've just heard that the special effects and stunts quota is low, and The Fast and The Furious has nitrous oxide. Now your Ford has some NOS.
Audience: But it's from 1967.
Jerry: Ssh. I made the Rock and Con Air.
Audience: Both with Nick Cage. They both sucked.
(Jerry has a strop, and a result there are no big explosions or stunts for at least 10 minutes)
Nick Cage: Hello Christopher Eccelston. You were a poof in Elizabeth.
Eccleston: No, I'm acting hard, but I really want to make furniture.
Detective: Hey! I want to arrest Nicholas Cage.
Eccleston: No.
Nick Cage: Ha ha. I'm really weak and feeble, but you are more weak and feeble. So I'll kick your head in.
Audience: Excellent. He was crap in Elizabeth.
Nick Cage: Hey, Jolie is fit and she wants me.
Audience: At last.