The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
I found these recently on the net. If they are true then the mind doth boggle at some people's incompetence:
A woman called the Canon help desk, about a problem
she was having with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under
Windows." The woman responded, "No, my
desk is next to the door. But that's a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window, and his is working just fine."
**********
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That
brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
**********
The following conversation was overheard in a
computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
**********
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the
Internet onto this disk for me?"
**********
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone
calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
**********
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
**********
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to
reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said
before. I crashed my spaceship and now
it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do
that?"
*********
I got a call from a woman who said that her laser
printer was having problems: the bottom
half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry.
It seemed strange that the printer was smearing
only the bottom half.
I walked her through the basics, then went over and
printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I
asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the
printer.
As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out
and showed it to me.
I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own.
Problem solved.
**********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's
DeskJet division for about a month
when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow.
All the other colours would print fine, which truly
baffled me because the only true colours are
cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a
combination of cyan and yellow, but
green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow
printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the
customer delete and reinstall the drivers.
Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they
offered no new ideas. After over two
hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the
customer to send the printer in to us for
repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try
printing on a piece of white paper instead of
this yellow paper?"
**********
A man attempting to set up his new printer called
the printer's Tec support number,
complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer
up in front of
the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
**********
And another user was all confused about why the
cursor always moved in the opposite
direction from the movement of the mouse. She also
complained that the buttons were
difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when
we asked her to rotate the mouse so
the tail pointed away from her.
**********
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an
"Access Denied" message every time he logs in.
It turned out he was typing his username and
password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use
lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my
keyboard."
**********
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to Fax anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving is was discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.
Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
"Actual" dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUST: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUST: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUST: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUST: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUST: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUST: "...Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUST: "...Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUST: "...Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUST: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUST: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUST: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
A woman called the Canon help desk, about a problem
she was having with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under
Windows." The woman responded, "No, my
desk is next to the door. But that's a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window, and his is working just fine."
**********
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That
brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
**********
The following conversation was overheard in a
computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
**********
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the
Internet onto this disk for me?"
**********
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone
calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
**********
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
**********
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to
reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said
before. I crashed my spaceship and now
it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do
that?"
*********
I got a call from a woman who said that her laser
printer was having problems: the bottom
half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry.
It seemed strange that the printer was smearing
only the bottom half.
I walked her through the basics, then went over and
printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I
asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the
printer.
As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out
and showed it to me.
I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own.
Problem solved.
**********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's
DeskJet division for about a month
when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow.
All the other colours would print fine, which truly
baffled me because the only true colours are
cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a
combination of cyan and yellow, but
green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow
printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the
customer delete and reinstall the drivers.
Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they
offered no new ideas. After over two
hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the
customer to send the printer in to us for
repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try
printing on a piece of white paper instead of
this yellow paper?"
**********
A man attempting to set up his new printer called
the printer's Tec support number,
complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer
up in front of
the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
**********
And another user was all confused about why the
cursor always moved in the opposite
direction from the movement of the mouse. She also
complained that the buttons were
difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when
we asked her to rotate the mouse so
the tail pointed away from her.
**********
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an
"Access Denied" message every time he logs in.
It turned out he was typing his username and
password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use
lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my
keyboard."
**********
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to Fax anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving is was discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.
Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
"Actual" dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUST: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUST: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUST: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUST: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUST: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUST: "...Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUST: "...Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUST: "...Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUST: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUST: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUST: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
:D they were really good, I think your parents are all ok with PCs because you either help them out or stay close so they don't hurt themselves, yeah?
can't believe people actually do things like that, also I feel sorry for Tech Support they must get loads of inane calls.
can't believe people actually do things like that, also I feel sorry for Tech Support they must get loads of inane calls.
Haha!
Those were really funny. Especially the last one.
How hard it must be being a Tech Help and Support person.
Those were really funny. Especially the last one.
How hard it must be being a Tech Help and Support person.
Thing is, the tech support can't actually cope with anybody whose peoblem is more complicated that 'My monitor won't work, is it anything to do with the wire not being plugged in?'
I had great fun the other day when a friend of mine phoned up Dell and started asking them what sort of RAM would be compatible with his laptop. After finally being passed to the senior tech support 'expert',
"Do we need SDRAM or SoDIMM, or what?"
"Um... get the Kingston RAM. That's what we reccomend."
"Yes, but I'm just interested in what will fit in here. Is it 72 pin?
"Um well I'm not exactly sure..... your best bet is probably to open it up and count the pins"
Moron...
I had great fun the other day when a friend of mine phoned up Dell and started asking them what sort of RAM would be compatible with his laptop. After finally being passed to the senior tech support 'expert',
"Do we need SDRAM or SoDIMM, or what?"
"Um... get the Kingston RAM. That's what we reccomend."
"Yes, but I'm just interested in what will fit in here. Is it 72 pin?
"Um well I'm not exactly sure..... your best bet is probably to open it up and count the pins"
Moron...
Heh heh, they were actually quite amusing, although I have read funnier in .Net (when it was good).
Even though my mum & gran know very lil / nothing about PC's they've never made those mistakes. Especially the last one
My god...
My god...
Boblin Brown wrote:
> Geez, how can people be so stupid? Even my mother who knows jack all about computers wouldn't have made any of those mistakes.
Mine either, and i thought my mum was bad!
> Geez, how can people be so stupid? Even my mother who knows jack all about computers wouldn't have made any of those mistakes.
Mine either, and i thought my mum was bad!
I found these recently on the net. If they are true then the mind doth boggle at some people's incompetence:
A woman called the Canon help desk, about a problem
she was having with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under
Windows." The woman responded, "No, my
desk is next to the door. But that's a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window, and his is working just fine."
**********
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That
brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
**********
The following conversation was overheard in a
computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
**********
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the
Internet onto this disk for me?"
**********
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone
calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
**********
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
**********
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to
reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said
before. I crashed my spaceship and now
it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do
that?"
*********
I got a call from a woman who said that her laser
printer was having problems: the bottom
half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry.
It seemed strange that the printer was smearing
only the bottom half.
I walked her through the basics, then went over and
printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I
asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the
printer.
As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out
and showed it to me.
I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own.
Problem solved.
**********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's
DeskJet division for about a month
when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow.
All the other colours would print fine, which truly
baffled me because the only true colours are
cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a
combination of cyan and yellow, but
green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow
printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the
customer delete and reinstall the drivers.
Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they
offered no new ideas. After over two
hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the
customer to send the printer in to us for
repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try
printing on a piece of white paper instead of
this yellow paper?"
**********
A man attempting to set up his new printer called
the printer's Tec support number,
complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer
up in front of
the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
**********
And another user was all confused about why the
cursor always moved in the opposite
direction from the movement of the mouse. She also
complained that the buttons were
difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when
we asked her to rotate the mouse so
the tail pointed away from her.
**********
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an
"Access Denied" message every time he logs in.
It turned out he was typing his username and
password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use
lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my
keyboard."
**********
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to Fax anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving is was discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.
Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
"Actual" dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUST: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUST: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUST: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUST: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUST: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUST: "...Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUST: "...Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUST: "...Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUST: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUST: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUST: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
A woman called the Canon help desk, about a problem
she was having with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under
Windows." The woman responded, "No, my
desk is next to the door. But that's a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a
window, and his is working just fine."
**********
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That
brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
**********
The following conversation was overheard in a
computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
**********
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the
Internet onto this disk for me?"
**********
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone
calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
**********
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
**********
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to
reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said
before. I crashed my spaceship and now
it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do
that?"
*********
I got a call from a woman who said that her laser
printer was having problems: the bottom
half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry.
It seemed strange that the printer was smearing
only the bottom half.
I walked her through the basics, then went over and
printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I
asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the
printer.
As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out
and showed it to me.
I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own.
Problem solved.
**********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's
DeskJet division for about a month
when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow.
All the other colours would print fine, which truly
baffled me because the only true colours are
cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a
combination of cyan and yellow, but
green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow
printed fine except for yellow.
I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the
customer delete and reinstall the drivers.
Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they
offered no new ideas. After over two
hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the
customer to send the printer in to us for
repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try
printing on a piece of white paper instead of
this yellow paper?"
**********
A man attempting to set up his new printer called
the printer's Tec support number,
complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer."
On the phone, the man said he even held the printer
up in front of
the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
**********
And another user was all confused about why the
cursor always moved in the opposite
direction from the movement of the mouse. She also
complained that the buttons were
difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when
we asked her to rotate the mouse so
the tail pointed away from her.
**********
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an
"Access Denied" message every time he logs in.
It turned out he was typing his username and
password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use
lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my
keyboard."
**********
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to Fax anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving is was discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.
Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
"Actual" dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUST: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUST: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CUST: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUST: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CUST: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUST: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
CUST: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUST: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUST: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUST: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUST: "...Yes, I think so."
TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUST: "...Yes, it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUST: "...Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUST: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUST: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUST: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CUST: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUST: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUST: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUST: "Really? Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUST: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."