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"Another try"

Well another try of a poem for me.

She combs it all back across her face.
Hiding her eyes,so no one can see the tears.
You stand under the spot light.
Please leave me,I have been gone.
You never knew,it could be great.

Spit through the air,blood falls from your chin.
Splat, splat, splat it falls to the ground.
Metal pipe see the eyes ripped the paper from books.

You pull string madly it stops.
Points out every line.
Sand drops in a pot.
The tangled weeds.

A bang of metal.
A hit to the head.
Oh god your dead.

Well another try of a poem for me.

She combs it all back across her face.
Hiding her eyes,so no one can see the tears.
You stand under the spot light.
Please leave me,I have been gone.
You never knew,it could be great.

Spit through the air,blood falls from your chin.
Splat, splat, splat it falls to the ground.
Metal pipe see the eyes ripped the paper from books.

You pull string madly it stops.
Points out every line.
Sand drops in a pot.
The tangled weeds.

A bang of metal.
A hit to the head.
Oh god your dead.

Oriental Rib wrote:
> Stick to story writing.
>
> Absolutely dire.

Alright thanks for the advise.

Oriental Rib wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Stick to story writing.
> >
> Absolutely dire.

J-42 wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Stick to story writing.
> >
> Absolutely DIrE.

Emitime wrote:
> J-42 wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Stick to story writing.
> >
> Absolutely DIrE.

I don't think you really want that to happen Emitime.

Oriental Rib wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Stick to not writing.
>
> Absolutely dire.

Memorandum! wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Oriental Rib wrote:
> Stick to shuting right up.
>
> Absolutely dire.

I thought it was good Crossbob.

Thank you very much :D