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"SSC29: Life"

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Mon 18/07/05 at 14:49
Regular
"What's basketball?"
Posts: 379
"What's wrong with you?" I look up, and shrug at the boy standing before me. "You don't know what's wrong with you?" I open my mouth for the first time, the words that come out are "No. I just feel strange." "Well, we have Science next. That may not help." I walk further into the shadows, hands in pocket; head hung low.

Know that feeling you get? That feeling where you are simultaneously tired and still very awake. The one where you are both ill and well. That is the same feeling I get- morning after morning. It starts off with massive weights of wood- my mornings- cut down into innocent looking items. Then, hours of torture. Every single week day. On special occasions, all souls are free. Although, the wait for suffering draws near.

That same girl, now there are more. All taunting me with their tantalizing beauty. How can they multiply like this, when all were here before? Time draws closer to the end of the day. Closer to darkness.

As I enter the door to darkness, I realise it will only get darker. There is a small box- and as I reach down to pick it up, the darkness closes in. What is happening? Is there some evil presence sleeping within the box? Could it be that this box is a gateway to the very depts of the darkness itself? I must find out, but not here; not where the darkness can possibly give this very box the power it needs. I must leave- NOW! As I exit the darkness, I can see a small fairy flying away. This could a sign, I must follow it!

Where has it gone? Where am I? All is light, there's the fairy. It appears to be changing to a red beast. The place immediatly fills with darkness. I must open the box. Light again, gleaming from the box this time. It must have been my trust. I believed the box could save me- and it did.

I am in a room. Sat in front of a different box now. A fantasy world. I shall call this world: "the world where darkness dies"
Tue 19/07/05 at 16:06
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
I mean "in reality" in the sense that while you may think "this sounds cool and deep", it actually means...nothing at all. It might be a 'story', but nothing happens and it's nonsensical at best.

For example, if you take away those first three paragraphs, it wouldn't become any more incomprehensible, because at best they're very loosely related and at worst completely unnecessary.
Tue 19/07/05 at 15:32
Regular
"What's basketball?"
Posts: 379
Memorandum! wrote:
> So the only time he speaks is "No. I just feel strange"?

That is correct. I don't believe I made him speak any other time. Also, it doesn't have to make sense in reality. That's why it's a story- how does that make it poor?
Tue 19/07/05 at 15:20
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
So the only time he speaks is "No. I just feel strange"?

It's unclear whether the following sentence is from the other person or just another sentence from the narrator. The story's poor anyway. It's just full of sentences that are 'deep' but in reality are absolutely meaningless.
Tue 19/07/05 at 15:16
Regular
"What's basketball?"
Posts: 379
Memorandum! wrote:
> Marinky_Kongshi wrote:
> You do know there are only two people there don't you? Or is the
> third supposed to be the narrator?
>
> I was aware there were only two people, but the way you structured
> your quotations I found it hard to keep track of who each one was...

It's quite simple really. When I said " I open my mouth for the very first time" then I meant the narrator was about to speak. So the others were just the other guy.
Tue 19/07/05 at 15:04
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
Marinky_Kongshi wrote:
> You do know there are only two people there don't you? Or is the
> third supposed to be the narrator?

I was aware there were only two people, but the way you structured your quotations I found it hard to keep track of who each one was...
Tue 19/07/05 at 14:45
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
What the ...
Tue 19/07/05 at 14:35
Regular
"What's basketball?"
Posts: 379
Memorandum! wrote:
> "I just feel
> strange." "Well, we have Science next. That may not
> help." "Shut up no eyebrows!" I walk further into the
> shadows, hands in pocket; head hung low.

You do know there are only two people there don't you? Or is the third supposed to be the narrator?

>Haha

*Weeps*
Tue 19/07/05 at 14:28
Regular
"What's basketball?"
Posts: 379
Memorandum! wrote:
> Marinky_Kongshi wrote:
> Know that feeling you get? That feeling where you are simultaneously
> tired and still very awake. The one where you are both ill and well.
>
> No, I don't know that feeling. Maybe you could elaborate.

Lucky you.

Well, it's kinda hard to explain. It's just like when you are tired, but can't manage to fall to sleep. Or so I would imagine.
Mon 18/07/05 at 19:30
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
Marinky_Kongshi wrote:
> Know that feeling you get? That feeling where you are simultaneously
> tired and still very awake. The one where you are both ill and well.

No, I don't know that feeling. Maybe you could elaborate.
Mon 18/07/05 at 19:17
Regular
"bot"
Posts: 3,491
"What's wrong with you?" I look up, and shrug at the boy standing before me. "You have no eyebrows." I open my mouth for the first time, the words that come out are "I just feel strange." "Well, we have Science next. That may not help." "Shut up no eyebrows!" I walk further into the shadows, hands in pocket; head hung low.

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