The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Raining
I sit within, watching the rain
That lashes, sky crying its pain
Like me, of some lost sunshine, sweet,
A lost devotion, incomplete.
A cynic’s love, a cynic’s fears
They shine above my sky-borne tears
But die before they reach the place,
And shine upon her upturned face
But still she walks in happiness,
While I cannot my love confess,
Reminding me what’s not to be
While all about, my falling sea
Pours down around, and all my grief
Is stolen, hid, by love the thief.
I cannot love, for I am bound
By wires that hold me to the ground,
They close my mouth, I can't exclaim/////My bonds don't want me to exclaim
My love, that cannot speak its name
And chain my mind, they never free
The soul inside that’s really me.
Really not sure about the fourth line from the bottom. Suggestions?
Usually I recoil at poetry, but that was rather excellent.
That line isn't bad, but I can see what you mean.
"These bonds won't let me exclaim" ?
I dunno ... something about that they won't let you, rather than don't want you to would be better, then you can play with the rhythm a little.
Raining
I sit within, watching the rain
That lashes, sky crying its pain
Like me, of some lost sunshine, sweet,
A lost devotion, incomplete.
A cynic’s love, a cynic’s fears
They shine above my sky-borne tears
But die before they reach the place,
And shine upon her upturned face
But still she walks in happiness,
While I cannot my love confess,
Reminding me what’s not to be
While all about, my falling sea
Pours down around, and all my grief
Is stolen, hid, by love the thief.
I cannot love, for I am bound
By wires that hold me to the ground,
They close my mouth, I can't exclaim/////My bonds don't want me to exclaim
My love, that cannot speak its name
And chain my mind, they never free
The soul inside that’s really me.
Really not sure about the fourth line from the bottom. Suggestions?