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Isn't it weird? When you find out someone close to you has died?
I feel selfish for trying at the time, to try and really take note of each single moment when you've found out. But you don't do that stuff. It's stupid.
I think things speed up. But then I don't know.. it seems fast, but slow.
Your heart, wow.. Your heart! You can feel the beat of your heart in your throat, your ears, your chest. Much like an extremely nervous feeling or if you're relaxed at night in bed. Your stomach turns, you feel ill. And after it's passed, you feel dizzy. Headachy. And you stare with far too many questions in mind.
And then not far away, lays your dead best friend who thought that life wasn't treating her well enough and thought that an overdose would do the trick.
[Well, hun, it obviously did!] And I hate her for it. Someone who's less than a mile away right now, was here on this Earth less than 24 hours ago, and is now dead.
Like coming back from Spain or somewhere to the UK in the same day.
"I was there a few hours ago! But now I'm home."
A game of whatever it's called, "Now you see me, now you don't."
Kind of like that. It just feels so wrong. It's not SUPPOSED to happen to a teenager. Again, again, again.
I've tried to understand, to sympathise with people who cut themselves, who try to kill themselves, who think of suicide. But it's near impossible. You just want to scream, "Shut the f**k up and grow up." Why don't people realise that Life here on this Earth is such a gift? Why do they see the negative rather than the good stuff?
But then it's so not confusing when the thought pops into your mind. You have this little insight into what it might be like. To realise that cutting yourself might just be a great release, something which happens in such an incredibly rushed moment that it's over before you realise that you've cut so hard at your body. You realise that overdosing is STUPID. So damn stupid as soon as you feel the stomach pains and the sensitivity to light and sound. You're not quite keeping up with everything going on around you, almost like everybody has sped up and left you behind.
Yet whatever you say is never enough. You probably need to stab a person in the leg or something to make them realise what it's like.
And it hurts to say, "My best friend is dead" Why does it hurt?! Lump-in-throat again.
Muh, I've just lost the one person who had everything you could possibly want in a friend. :(
Someone who would sit with you and hug you when you're down, a friend who would talk about crap but would have amazing giggle fits afterwards. Someone who likes you for who you are and accepts you and respects you. A listener, a beauty of a girl, intelligent, open-minded, down-to-Earth, giving, Godsent. A gift. And a damn good guitar teacher.
Well. I'm going to bed now and hope to sleep for a few weeks not having to wake up and realise that this is real! One.Big.Dream.
Sorry for the rant guys, but I'm sure most of you know how a little writing can temporarily make you feel heaps better. Even if none of it makes sense.
It could've gone into Notepad, but Notepad doesn't reply.
Have a good night! Ciou.
I feel selfish for trying at the time, to try and really take note of each single moment when you've found out. But you don't do that stuff. It's stupid.
I think things speed up. But then I don't know.. it seems fast, but slow.
Your heart, wow.. Your heart! You can feel the beat of your heart in your throat, your ears, your chest. Much like an extremely nervous feeling or if you're relaxed at night in bed. Your stomach turns, you feel ill. And after it's passed, you feel dizzy. Headachy. And you stare with far too many questions in mind.
And then not far away, lays your dead best friend who thought that life wasn't treating her well enough and thought that an overdose would do the trick.
[Well, hun, it obviously did!] And I hate her for it. Someone who's less than a mile away right now, was here on this Earth less than 24 hours ago, and is now dead.
Like coming back from Spain or somewhere to the UK in the same day.
"I was there a few hours ago! But now I'm home."
A game of whatever it's called, "Now you see me, now you don't."
Kind of like that. It just feels so wrong. It's not SUPPOSED to happen to a teenager. Again, again, again.
I've tried to understand, to sympathise with people who cut themselves, who try to kill themselves, who think of suicide. But it's near impossible. You just want to scream, "Shut the f**k up and grow up." Why don't people realise that Life here on this Earth is such a gift? Why do they see the negative rather than the good stuff?
But then it's so not confusing when the thought pops into your mind. You have this little insight into what it might be like. To realise that cutting yourself might just be a great release, something which happens in such an incredibly rushed moment that it's over before you realise that you've cut so hard at your body. You realise that overdosing is STUPID. So damn stupid as soon as you feel the stomach pains and the sensitivity to light and sound. You're not quite keeping up with everything going on around you, almost like everybody has sped up and left you behind.
Yet whatever you say is never enough. You probably need to stab a person in the leg or something to make them realise what it's like.
And it hurts to say, "My best friend is dead" Why does it hurt?! Lump-in-throat again.
Muh, I've just lost the one person who had everything you could possibly want in a friend. :(
Someone who would sit with you and hug you when you're down, a friend who would talk about crap but would have amazing giggle fits afterwards. Someone who likes you for who you are and accepts you and respects you. A listener, a beauty of a girl, intelligent, open-minded, down-to-Earth, giving, Godsent. A gift. And a damn good guitar teacher.
Well. I'm going to bed now and hope to sleep for a few weeks not having to wake up and realise that this is real! One.Big.Dream.
Sorry for the rant guys, but I'm sure most of you know how a little writing can temporarily make you feel heaps better. Even if none of it makes sense.
It could've gone into Notepad, but Notepad doesn't reply.
Have a good night! Ciou.
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Grix Thraves wrote:
> hkjkblkbkjb
Mm..as the Princess of the People once said of Prince Charles and Camilla..."It was just a little too crowded.."
Be well my dear. Much to learn in life. I sympathize for your loss. Horrible to lose such a dear friend..I would indeed feel inside-out, to say the least, if I lost Nanashi, as well. I couldn't even imagine it. She is the pinnacle and epitome of a true friend...my sistah. I love her so..backing me up, regardless of right or wrong..
GOD bless her and her beautiful family..
You are the reason. I wish you well..sincerely.
> hkjkblkbkjb
Mm..as the Princess of the People once said of Prince Charles and Camilla..."It was just a little too crowded.."
Be well my dear. Much to learn in life. I sympathize for your loss. Horrible to lose such a dear friend..I would indeed feel inside-out, to say the least, if I lost Nanashi, as well. I couldn't even imagine it. She is the pinnacle and epitome of a true friend...my sistah. I love her so..backing me up, regardless of right or wrong..
GOD bless her and her beautiful family..
You are the reason. I wish you well..sincerely.
I'm like munn, having had no experience of death myself, though that's mainly because a lot of my family died before I was born. So, all I can say is I'm sorry.
I'd never be able to take an over dose, cut myself, etc. because I'm too much of a wimp and I have an overwhelming fear of death. I don't think it's really fair to call somebody that commits suidicide selfish though, they wouldn't do it if they didn't feel awful and why should they suffer their pain to make other people happy?
I'd never be able to take an over dose, cut myself, etc. because I'm too much of a wimp and I have an overwhelming fear of death. I don't think it's really fair to call somebody that commits suidicide selfish though, they wouldn't do it if they didn't feel awful and why should they suffer their pain to make other people happy?
hkjkblkbkjb
Grix Thraves wrote:
> I think it's better to face emotions and feelings than to try and hide
> from them, which um, yeah, so it's good to write stuff out like this
> and I wish I knew how you felt.
>
> I kinda want to write about something but I don't want to take the
> spotlight or anything and I don't want to start a new topic, so um,
> can I have permission to babble about myself?
How about you go write a poem about flowers and dancing rabbits, and someone's eyes being pools of love? Every other thread in this forums speaks of tragedy and cruelty. Someone should write something uplifting for a change, and I'm not the man to do it :)
> I think it's better to face emotions and feelings than to try and hide
> from them, which um, yeah, so it's good to write stuff out like this
> and I wish I knew how you felt.
>
> I kinda want to write about something but I don't want to take the
> spotlight or anything and I don't want to start a new topic, so um,
> can I have permission to babble about myself?
How about you go write a poem about flowers and dancing rabbits, and someone's eyes being pools of love? Every other thread in this forums speaks of tragedy and cruelty. Someone should write something uplifting for a change, and I'm not the man to do it :)
I to am very sorry for your loss.
The only way i can deal with these sorts of things is to pick myself up and carry on :) Dosen`t work for everyone .
The only way i can deal with these sorts of things is to pick myself up and carry on :) Dosen`t work for everyone .
I have things i want to say to you Ms NY but don't want to do it on here, my msn in on my profile contact me if you want to talk.
I am sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss.
I written three messages and deleted them. I'm not too sure what to say.
Sorry for your loss and I hope you can get through it without suffering too much pain.
Sorry for your loss and I hope you can get through it without suffering too much pain.
Time_Warp wrote:
> As for the topic matter, I am very sorry. Incidents like this pain
> me, even when I don't know the person. I just get thinking about the
> wasted potential and how it has affected those around them, such as
> yourself.
Yep this is someones child who they've raised and watch grow up, to see this happen must be devestating for her parents.
> As for the topic matter, I am very sorry. Incidents like this pain
> me, even when I don't know the person. I just get thinking about the
> wasted potential and how it has affected those around them, such as
> yourself.
Yep this is someones child who they've raised and watch grow up, to see this happen must be devestating for her parents.
The closest I've been to this one is finding out a good friend had died, a while after I lost touch with him.
I sort of hid from dealing with it.
When you think about her, try to remember the good times.
It'll be hard, but you'll be alright.
I sort of hid from dealing with it.
When you think about her, try to remember the good times.
It'll be hard, but you'll be alright.
You weren't asking for my permission Grix, but sure go for it, it's good to share.
As for the topic matter, I am very sorry. Incidents like this pain me, even when I don't know the person. I just get thinking about the wasted potential and how it has affected those around them, such as yourself.
However, if you can make it through the next few weeks, months, you will become so much stronger. After getting through this rather overwhelming period you will feel a lot better.
You seem like a very intelligent person who knows how to deal with things in your own way, so just do things the way you are comfortable and what makes you feel better.
Come to terms with your loss, and confront the relevant emotions and you will learn things about yourself.
You'll be fine I promise :-) Thanks for sharing the story I know it must have been hard.
As for the topic matter, I am very sorry. Incidents like this pain me, even when I don't know the person. I just get thinking about the wasted potential and how it has affected those around them, such as yourself.
However, if you can make it through the next few weeks, months, you will become so much stronger. After getting through this rather overwhelming period you will feel a lot better.
You seem like a very intelligent person who knows how to deal with things in your own way, so just do things the way you are comfortable and what makes you feel better.
Come to terms with your loss, and confront the relevant emotions and you will learn things about yourself.
You'll be fine I promise :-) Thanks for sharing the story I know it must have been hard.
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