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Under no circumstances see this film. It is without any shadow of a doubt the biggest and most putrified box of monkeycock I've ever had the bored and restless displeasure of sitting through.
It starts out so promisingly; there's angelina looking good. There's Val Kilmer being mad. And...some annoying little proto-Anakin brat too. Okay, all of the dialogue thus far is pretentious, and the score seems to have been borrowed from another film, but lets give it a chance.
We even get to see Brian Blessed in the opening minutes, which put my mind at rest of the rubbish dialogue. Then I remembered he was also in the Phantom Menace, and my heart began to sink.
After an eternity of the Irish voiced Macedonians childhood, we get to the 1st big battle scene. And it's decent. However, it's also the LAST big battle scene. There is one more good sized battle, and that's at the end. Frankly the film isn't worth sitting through to get that far.
Of a 3 hour film, about 10 minutes is worth watching. For the rest of the time, not much happens. And it happens S-L-O-W-L-Y.
I spent the last hour actively willing Alexander dead so that the film would finish and I could go home.
All this is before I even start on the ropey acting, appalling script and melodrama throughout, and a score that sounds as if it was hurriedly put together for a sequel to The Sound of Music.
Alexander the Great: Ruler of the known world by the time he was 30, and arguably the greatest warrior, general...hell, greatest man who ever lived. And he's been remembered by a 3 hour dirge. Bah.
It starts out so promisingly; there's angelina looking good. There's Val Kilmer being mad. And...some annoying little proto-Anakin brat too. Okay, all of the dialogue thus far is pretentious, and the score seems to have been borrowed from another film, but lets give it a chance.
We even get to see Brian Blessed in the opening minutes, which put my mind at rest of the rubbish dialogue. Then I remembered he was also in the Phantom Menace, and my heart began to sink.
After an eternity of the Irish voiced Macedonians childhood, we get to the 1st big battle scene. And it's decent. However, it's also the LAST big battle scene. There is one more good sized battle, and that's at the end. Frankly the film isn't worth sitting through to get that far.
Of a 3 hour film, about 10 minutes is worth watching. For the rest of the time, not much happens. And it happens S-L-O-W-L-Y.
I spent the last hour actively willing Alexander dead so that the film would finish and I could go home.
All this is before I even start on the ropey acting, appalling script and melodrama throughout, and a score that sounds as if it was hurriedly put together for a sequel to The Sound of Music.
Alexander the Great: Ruler of the known world by the time he was 30, and arguably the greatest warrior, general...hell, greatest man who ever lived. And he's been remembered by a 3 hour dirge. Bah.
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Under no circumstances see this film. It is without any shadow of a doubt the biggest and most putrified box of monkeycock I've ever had the bored and restless displeasure of sitting through.
It starts out so promisingly; there's angelina looking good. There's Val Kilmer being mad. And...some annoying little proto-Anakin brat too. Okay, all of the dialogue thus far is pretentious, and the score seems to have been borrowed from another film, but lets give it a chance.
We even get to see Brian Blessed in the opening minutes, which put my mind at rest of the rubbish dialogue. Then I remembered he was also in the Phantom Menace, and my heart began to sink.
After an eternity of the Irish voiced Macedonians childhood, we get to the 1st big battle scene. And it's decent. However, it's also the LAST big battle scene. There is one more good sized battle, and that's at the end. Frankly the film isn't worth sitting through to get that far.
Of a 3 hour film, about 10 minutes is worth watching. For the rest of the time, not much happens. And it happens S-L-O-W-L-Y.
I spent the last hour actively willing Alexander dead so that the film would finish and I could go home.
All this is before I even start on the ropey acting, appalling script and melodrama throughout, and a score that sounds as if it was hurriedly put together for a sequel to The Sound of Music.
Alexander the Great: Ruler of the known world by the time he was 30, and arguably the greatest warrior, general...hell, greatest man who ever lived. And he's been remembered by a 3 hour dirge. Bah.
It starts out so promisingly; there's angelina looking good. There's Val Kilmer being mad. And...some annoying little proto-Anakin brat too. Okay, all of the dialogue thus far is pretentious, and the score seems to have been borrowed from another film, but lets give it a chance.
We even get to see Brian Blessed in the opening minutes, which put my mind at rest of the rubbish dialogue. Then I remembered he was also in the Phantom Menace, and my heart began to sink.
After an eternity of the Irish voiced Macedonians childhood, we get to the 1st big battle scene. And it's decent. However, it's also the LAST big battle scene. There is one more good sized battle, and that's at the end. Frankly the film isn't worth sitting through to get that far.
Of a 3 hour film, about 10 minutes is worth watching. For the rest of the time, not much happens. And it happens S-L-O-W-L-Y.
I spent the last hour actively willing Alexander dead so that the film would finish and I could go home.
All this is before I even start on the ropey acting, appalling script and melodrama throughout, and a score that sounds as if it was hurriedly put together for a sequel to The Sound of Music.
Alexander the Great: Ruler of the known world by the time he was 30, and arguably the greatest warrior, general...hell, greatest man who ever lived. And he's been remembered by a 3 hour dirge. Bah.
So you didn't like it, then? It does looks very bad indeed.
I've still got Troy to watch - is that any good?
I've still got Troy to watch - is that any good?
Haven't seen Troy, and if it's as dire as Alexander I won't bother.
I mean christ, the history of the Ancient Greeks is one of the most exciting times in all history. And not a single filmic version of any of it has managed to be better than mediocre.
Oddly, films based around Roman history tend to be good. I wonder why that is.
I mean christ, the history of the Ancient Greeks is one of the most exciting times in all history. And not a single filmic version of any of it has managed to be better than mediocre.
Oddly, films based around Roman history tend to be good. I wonder why that is.
Troy is ok, just don't expect anything on par with Gladiator which still rules all.
Troy was better than people made it out to be, nothing special though.
And I had a feeling Alexander would be crap when I first saw the trailer a few months ago. You can't take a film seriously when the main character looks utterly rediculous. It's like putting pink star glasses on Arnie and- oh, wait...
And I had a feeling Alexander would be crap when I first saw the trailer a few months ago. You can't take a film seriously when the main character looks utterly rediculous. It's like putting pink star glasses on Arnie and- oh, wait...
Mr Light sirrah, would you care to write a proper review for my site thingy? It's definitely gonna be launching soon, honest guv. Seeing as I'm not going to see it (you're right, ha - it looks crap) it'd be nice to have a review up anyway.
You've got my email addy somewhere.
You've got my email addy somewhere.
I hated troy. It bored me...
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> Mr Light sirrah, would you care to write a proper review for my site
> thingy? It's definitely gonna be launching soon, honest guv. Seeing
> as I'm not going to see it (you're right, ha - it looks crap) it'd be
> nice to have a review up anyway.
>
> You've got my email addy somewhere.
----
You bangrod, you're supposed to email me and tell me when it gets going so I'll whack some reviews over including "The Movie I Haven't Seen This Week"
> Mr Light sirrah, would you care to write a proper review for my site
> thingy? It's definitely gonna be launching soon, honest guv. Seeing
> as I'm not going to see it (you're right, ha - it looks crap) it'd be
> nice to have a review up anyway.
>
> You've got my email addy somewhere.
----
You bangrod, you're supposed to email me and tell me when it gets going so I'll whack some reviews over including "The Movie I Haven't Seen This Week"
Light wrote:
> Under no circumstances see this film. It is without any shadow of a
> doubt the biggest and most putrified box of monkeycock I've ever had
> the bored and restless displeasure of sitting through.
I described it as a barrel of monkey spunk, but both will do. Worse film I've seen in a very long time.
> Under no circumstances see this film. It is without any shadow of a
> doubt the biggest and most putrified box of monkeycock I've ever had
> the bored and restless displeasure of sitting through.
I described it as a barrel of monkey spunk, but both will do. Worse film I've seen in a very long time.
Yeah, I found Troy very mediocre, as I did King Arthur.
Lots of people seem to be trying to cash in on the post Lord of the Rings swords-and-shields craze.
Lots of people seem to be trying to cash in on the post Lord of the Rings swords-and-shields craze.
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