Viewing Thread:
"A Goodbye"

This isn’t some craftily worded little parody or a creative piece of writing, I’m actually leaving the forums. I know lately I’ve been the malignant little tumour and done nothing of much use around here except be ‘controversial’ and annoy people – for this I am sorry. Lately I haven’t been pleasant to be around at all. Truth be told I’m depressed – not in a trendy gothic way, in a real haunting way. There’s not much in my life that makes me happy, in fact I’m struggling to find a simple example.

Nothing is wrong with my life, I think I’m just sick of the same routine. Wake up, go to school, learn, homework, essays. My plan is to gain perspective. See life from a different side, change parts of my life that I’m not happy with, and it somehow seems wasteful posting on an Internet forum when I should be learning life skills and stuff that I really know nothing about.

I’ve gone on and on about wanting to be a writer but I don’t think that will make me happy. This kind of messes up my future plans because my university plans are all set – however I’m starting to realise that perhaps this isn’t all that important to have a plan, I’m just going to take things as they come – try and enjoy life for once. Enjoying life is something I haven’t done for quite some time now. I know I’m not a particularly pleasant person but I’m going to try and get my piece of enjoyment from life. Maybe it’s something we’re all entitled to.

I’ve basically come to realise that I’m a very unbalanced person – either I’ll be happy or depressed – there’s no real equilibrium for me. I finally admitted my situation to a ‘real’ person, my mum. I told her everything about how I am unhappy with life, that I’m a confused little boy with no real plans or ideas and that I am pretty much depressed to the point of considering killing myself. She’s going to take my to the doctors, she thinks they can help me with medicine or something. Maybe balance me out somehow. I always knew I was unbalanced and that I wasn’t like other people but I didn’t know I was this bad. Since I’ve told my mum my family have treated me like I’m seriously ill, telling me I can “talk to them about anything” and they “just want to do what’s best for me”

I hope I don’t end up in a ward in a straightjacket eating all my meals through straws because I’m not allowed near cutlery. I don’t think I’d like that.

So, is this goodbye forever? Perhaps. Perhaps not. I need to sort my life out and that involved changing aspects of my life – and sitting at a computer nearly every night isn’t such a great achievement. The way I’ve been going lately I’ve been looking at a banning anyway and I doubt I’d have returned if that happened, again. So whilst I’m not banned here’s my little farewell. I’ve made something of a big deal about it – to be perfectly honest because it is a big deal for me. These forums have been a part of my life for nigh on 4 years and up-and-leaving isn’t the easiest thing in the world.

For the times I have had I am grateful. I remember fondly the early days – the spoofs and the constant parodies of stuff. I remember gaining an interest in writing due to the stuff I’ve seen here, something which has probably changed my means of self expression forever. I’ve talked to people here with fantastic outlooks on life, then again I’ve talked to some utter idiots.

I don’t know what my standing in the popularity stakes is at the moment, nor do I really care any more. Craving acceptance from Internet people is no longer on my agenda. I hope, however, that as I leave it is a fond farewell and not a good riddance.

A few of you are still on my msn list and when I am online (which will not be as much) I will gladly chat to you. I’m not trying to sever links I’ve made, just to change my life and be happy.

I’ll leave you with a quote that has offered me a reasonable level of comfort over the years.

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know”
- Ernest Hemmingway

mattributé wrote:
> The person who should be pitied more than those who dedicate their
> life to games is those that give up a hobby to appear more sociable.
>
> SUCKER.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I haven't given up games entirely, I've just seriously cut them down and I'm glad I have. I don't feel as though I'm wasting my life away anymore.

The person who should be pitied more than those who dedicate their life to games is those that give up a hobby to appear more sociable.

SUCKER.

Paradox: wrote:

> My plan is to gain perspective. See life from a different side, change > parts of my life that I’m not happy with, and it somehow seems wasteful
> posting on an Internet forum when I should be learning life skills
> and stuff that I really know nothing about.

I know exactly what you mean as I felt the same a while back, and you may have noticed that I haven't been on these forums for ages. I felt like I was wasting my life away, playing too many games, spending far too much time on this site. But since then I've started to go out more, I've made a few friends and I've taken up Snooker as a new hobby, it's much more sociable than spending hours glued to a computer screen or playing games. The best thing I ever did was to get rid of the majority of my games and my GC, I even have some colour in my skin now ;)

I don't know what age you are Paradox, but you could start taking driving lessons if you haven't already done so, having a car opens the world to you, it's made a huge difference to my life.


> I’ve gone on and on about wanting to be a writer but I don’t think
> that will make me happy. This kind of messes up my future plans
> because my university plans are all set – however I’m starting to
> realise that perhaps this isn’t all that important to have a plan,
> I’m just going to take things as they come – try and enjoy life for
> once.

I don't know what it is, but I've also had a serious think about my future plans, and it's a good thing to do. There's nothing wrong with you haveing some sort of plan, it gives you something to aim for, a purpose if you will. Obviously it's up to yourself what you want to do, it's your life.

As I said, I've given this some thought too, and I plan to pay off my car and then find a house of my own when I'm about 25, and then just take things from there. As for future career prospects, I have a good job within a Despatch office at the moment, but I hope to get to Despatch Supervisor in a few years, and then possibly Despatch Manager.

I apologise if I sound like I'm gibbering on about myself here, but I'm just trying to give you some sort of example. Giving yourself something to work for makes a huge difference.

> So, is this goodbye forever? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Well I hope not, I should still have you on MSN and I'd be happy to chat to you whenever I can.

Ah, you knew you just had to mention me.

I used to think coming on here was a complete waste of time. It was, and still is, a laugh at times, but I thought it was just lost time that I could have been doing something else better with.

I still probably spend too much time on here, but I no longer think it's a complete waste of time. For a kick off, I can have discussions on here about stuff most of my offline mates have no interest in at all. Politics, science, books, gaming - all kinds of stuff. It's a good place to vent your feelings on a plethora of subjects, if elsewhere people just look at you as though you're speaking Greek.

It's also good taking the mick out of people and laughing at those less fortunate than you. Joke

Anyway, you'll be back, you'll miss Forest Fan.

Yer, pukka foo'

Anyway, sorry to see you go Paradox, the next notable election is coming up, so I suppose we'll have to vote for someone else. Take care :)

poke wrote:
> cookie monster wrote:
> Ah ha, you make me laugh son, i'll give you that.
>
> 'son'? I'm older than you baka ¬_¬

Baka?

Cyclone wrote:
> lcarus wrote:
> “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know”
> - Ernest Hemmingway
>
> Tsk, obviously he took a blind eye (no pun intended) to those who
> had
> both.
>
> Wouldn't you say that most of the time, ignorant people are happier
> because they don't worry about the problems around them?

Yeah. Thing is, you can be happy and intelligent.

cookie monster wrote:
> Ah ha, you make me laugh son, i'll give you that.

'son'? I'm older than you baka ¬_¬