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"Lost in Translation - A Review"

“Hello, I’m Bill Murray. You may remember me from such movies as Meatballs, Stripes, Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2. I was funny and laconic then, but ever since appearing in Wes Anderson movies, I’ve realised my deadpan sarcasm actually means I’m a deadpan dramatic actor”
“Hello, I’m Winona Ryder. No wait, I’m Kate Hudson. No wait, I’m Katie Holmes. No wait…actually I forgot my name but I’m this month’s intelligent waif”
“Hello, I’m Sophia Coppola, and in no way does nepotism play a part in my career, not at all, nuh-huh.”
“Herro, ah am a velly funny Japanese person who does karaoke and can’t pronounce words good. So solly!”

“Hello Bill Murray, you look like somebody afloat in a foreign country unhappy with his life and yearning for a symbolism-heavy fleeting encounter with a waif”
“Yeah that’s pretty much it. Boy this country is strange and I feel alone and lost. Did I say I was lost yet? I feel lost. And alone.”
“I’m Waif, my boyfriend doesn’t understand me and leaves me alone in the hotel whilst he goes and does his photography job. Boy I feel alone and lost. I shall stare out of the window to a musical montage for a while”
“I’m a stereotype Japanese character who speaks in choppy sentences for comedy misunderstandings. Lip my stocking Sad Bill Murray”
“Lip?”
“Lip my stocking”
“Oh, you mean Rip but you can’t pronounce your R’s. Hahahaha, that’s funny”
Audience “Er…didn’t this broad caricature die out with Jerry Lewis?”
“Hello Waif, I’m Bill Murray. I feel alone and lost. Yep, lost.”
“Hello Bill Murray, I feel alone and lost. Let’s go to random parties and do karaoke singing and then have a chase for no reason at all”
“My wife doesn’t understand me”
“My boyfriend doesn’t understand me”
“We’re lost. Alone and lost. Let’s have long scenes with no dialogue to indicate our comfort and lostness in this strange land”
“What is strange, Bill Murray, is your being paid $2 million to do commercials, yet nobody here bats an eyelid when you walk down the street. Why are you earning so much if nobody recognises here in Japan?”
“I feel lost and alone.”
“Me too, that’s a connection. Let’s have another musical moment and not speak”
“…”

“I’m angry with you Bill Murray for sleeping with the lounge singer, even though we are platonic friends who are lost and alone”
“Hey, I didn’t even know why she slept with me”
“Nor me. Now I feel sad and lost and alone”
“Let’s walk through Tokyo to music! And we can show weird things that these weird people do, strange foreigners”
Audience “Is there going to be bush?”
“I’m sorry I was angry at you Bill Murray”
“Let’s spend the night watching tv and not kissing or anything”
Audience “Oh for fu…”
“I’ll phone my wife who doesn’t understand me and hear my ungrateful children who don’t understand me, that way the audience will hate them and want me to go off with you Waif”
“I’ll gaze wistfully out of the window whilst my self-obsessed boyfriend ignores me so the audience hates him and wants me to go off with you Sad Bill Murray”
“Now it’s 90 mins and nothing has happened except crude jokes about language barriers and a portrayal of the Japanese as kooky weirdos”
“Ok, let’s attempt a poignant ending. I’ll say something muffled, and because the audience cant hear it, they’ll think it’s deep and edgy and mysterious”
“Ok, goodbye Bill Murray, I don’t feel so alone and lost anymore”
“Nor me”

Audience “Hey wait a goddamn minute. This won awards, they said it was good. I’ve just sat here for 90mins with Bill Murray not being funny, no nudity to make up for a catatonic pace, I’ve suffered horrendously cliché Japanese characters, there was no plot, all too frequent musical interludes with people looking out of windows like some ass-awful sitcom “we just broke up so here’s some U2 music” moment, sparse dialogue and a cop-out attempt at a cool ending that was cribbed from Radiohead’s “Just” video. What the hell is going on? Why is this good? What fool allowed this turgid chick-flick abortion to get made? I’m going to watch Punch Drunk Love, that does this whole thing so much better and has Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a porno baron”

Obviously the bits with Murray are the best, but I liked the rest of it quite a lot.

Oh, and I wasn't keen on this. But the Virgin Suicides was good. Seriously.

Mr Snuggly wrote:

>
> It's worth watching for the ass shot alone.


Heh. You know, there are films you can buy that are nothing but ass shots. They don't have a discernible plot either, but you get to see a lot of ass.

I was going to buy this DVD because I thought he would be great in it. I actually liked Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters and all that.

Surely it can't be that bad

The ass shot?
The opening ass shot?

That's the reason to watch? Well jesus christ man, why didn't you tell me that and save me 90mins of sighing and looking around like a sniper?
You benny

Patrick Swayze's ass?

Just because I like to watch Dirty Dancing in women's underwear does not make me a woman.

It's worth watching for the ass shot alone.

I am convinced you are a woman.

Or just really really in touch with your feminine side.

But did you like it?

Heh. The story is the slightest of slights, but I still enjoyed it (even if the 'let's laugh at the wacky Japs' angle was a little close to the bone). Thought the two central performances were excellent, even though they didn't have much to do or indeed much dialogue. And I liked the music, don't see your problem there. It was Kevin Shields, wasn't it?

And you have to admit, the opening shot is pretty awesome.

Heh. Great.